Sacrificing money for love buys the chance to create a unique life

At the end of the interview my future boss dropped the salary figure. “Sounds good, I was expecting a lot less than that,” I naively blurted out. Terrible negotiation skills aside, it meant a chance at something I loved. When the offer came the money was tiny. Well below the London living wage. Financially it was a struggle but the job eventually led to me becoming my own boss.

After four years of stretching myself between 4 jobs I hit the figure in the interview. It was another eight before I was no longer living hand to mouth. Broke for nearly a decade, all the time I was building resilience. I was on my own path.

I soon realized that to get anywhere once you trade money for love, you have to be fully immersed. It’s tough. 10 years on and earning my freedom was worth each small sacrifice along the way.

The job was curation rather than creation — global booking agent for international DJs. With zero experience I had to create a life and a personal brand for myself to match the role.

Passion trumps technical shortcomings if you keep your aim in sight

Hard-nosed negotiation and an eye for figures was never my strong point. The first lesson was harsh and invaluable. Fortunately passion for music and some lucky breaks glossed over my technical shortcomings.

In any building process you live and die by your choices. There are setbacks. To survive you must have conviction or bloody-minded stubbornness. A healthy blend of optimism and naivety helps. I didn’t have a big picture plan. I just followed a feeling.

I’ve rarely compromised my integrity with the people I worked with. When I did it never worked. They knew, I knew. Creativity needs a spark. Money is not a spark. Nurturing a project and watching it grow gets me up every morning. Or in the DJ world, into bed early in the morning .

My task was to source the shows a handful of talented bedroom producers needed to build their careers and resultantly mine. This didn’t happen over night so I had to get creative to make ends meet. Like me, these guys were intent on scraping a living from underground dance music. From middle-class-home-counties-kids to veteran Detroiters in their 40s. Their fellowship let me vicariously live my creative dream.

Focusing on a small niche can widen your horizons

With intense focus on the tiny niche of electronic music where our passions lay, we were able to thrive. I specialised while honing my business skills. I could convince promoters to book my guys. Each booking was a small victory. My team grew with me. Those that matched my effort thrived, those that didn’t fell away.

I was usually closer to the breadline than them but they never knew. Keeping up appearances was a creative venture itself. These guys were living hand to mouth too. Usually a £50 fee raise I secured meant they could come back for the next tour. For many years it was a miracle If I had £50 left at the end of the month from my pay check.

Despite the job satisfaction, my meager salary left me feeling I was missing out compared to my friends. I built resilience yet yearned for more, especially travel. I would later be able to make up for this but didn’t know that then. I just stuck to the task in hand.

Adversity creates resilience but a siege mentality can be toxic

The hunger for the status I attached to doing this has left deep scars in my mental health. A dark energy fuelled me against adversity, shrinking my world at times into a daily struggle. Hard times in London bond you to the city. You feel important but also anonymous.

At my worst I was in the trenches with my guys 24/7. I was too immersed. Never present and always in my head scheming. I would stop in a gallery to note a new strategy for one artist. Or turn away from my girlfriend and a sea view to capture the next grand plan before the thought escaped me.

After many years of hard graft I got the payoff. 2018 and 2019 were a whirlwind of flights, hotels, mega cities, wonders, mountains, lakes and so much more. I’m still processing my privilege. The lifestyle I built had almost no restrictions. I was able to close deals in the Alps, network on the Nile, co-work in Delhi. I’m also now able to address my mental health issues.

Late in 2019, I had decided to cut back the travel and save for a house of my own, an investment to build my future around. Planning a frugal 2020 I had expected by this coming December to be making a serious dent in that. I was reaching my peak and planning my next move.

Money buys you security but exploring your passion builds character. Being broke does not allow for a comfort zone. 10 years on from that interview I was nearly secure. Strong, yet still hungry, still curious. Now in COVID times I am calling on that resilience to adapt and thrive in the current moment.