Recovery
Self-Doubt vs. Self Love
Self-doubt is…
…asking for advice when I know the answer,
…anger disguised as fear,
….my unwillingness to let go,
… creating chaos to become the victim of my design,
…false control masquerading as helplessness.
What would it take to…
…open the window of my heart,
…allow the flow of wisdom?
I would need to…
…put the phone down,
…stop writing the text,
….delete the email draft,
…talk to my ego — my scared little girl — and tell her to step back from the ledge,
…command her not to jump into fear,
…close my eyes and say: “I know.”
My scared little girl is standing on the ledge because she…
…doesn’t know what to do,
…has to figure things out,
…needs access to resources,
…never wanted this.
I grab the megaphone and shout:
“You are loved, worthy, and enough. And you don’t have to do this!”
(The “this” refers to jumping off the ledge, betraying myself, and wasting my wisdom).
My inner critic chitters and chatters away.
Sometimes, it shouts, and sometimes I wince.
It takes courage to grab the megaphone and say: “Enough! You are enough, and you are worthy.”
I am here. I am witnessing, soothing, calming.
I hold the girl. She cries and quakes.
Of course, she’s overwhelmed — she’s terrified. I let her fight the external world, and she fought and bled and fought and bled.
Who stands up for her? I have to…
…love her through the tantrums.
…remind her: she is safe, she is loved, and she is enough.
Self-doubt is…
…ignoring the crackle of my cry on the baby monitor.
Self-love is…
…singing the ancestral song of love — remembering we are divine.
