What This Year Taught Me: Triune Lessons of 2020
2020 has been a major bitch. This year of scorn began with me wallowing in pity. I sat at home with my dad on New Years. We drank sparkling apple juice. That should have been the first sign that this year would be some bullshit. In January of this year, I would spend much of my time reading outside in Florida’s chilly but humid airs, not knowing that my ability to finish a book would be stunted by a global pandemic and looming unemployment.
Neither did I suspect that white folks would discover that racism is, in fact, real after witnessing and being complicit in the murders of Tony McDade, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and many other Black folks. The Twittersphere erupted with think pieces, absolves, RIP’s, conveniently well-taken “protest selfies,” everything but discussion of convictions and reparations.
Even with this arid, crusty life we’ve lived this past year, there have been a triune of lessons which in sum taught me that we all must want ourselves and desire the best for ourselves. While that is easy for me to say right now, I personally still don’t know how to stand by this; however, I can share the three lessons that led me to this conclusion.
1. Being alone doesn’t mean not creating community.
COVID-19 put a halt on all our social plans which relegated most of us to the digital engagement. Yes, upping our screen time was the last thing we needed, but we still required community. I was happy to see how creatives found and created spaces of love and care.
I’ve seen many people watch their dreams come true, in part due to work that can be done outside of in person interactions. This is all due to the power of building community on (and off) the internet. Via Twitter, I’ve found a ton of journalists, musicians, poets, and music writers that are so kind and supportive. My hope in 2021 is that we find ways to remain this interconnected and encouraging amid whatever we face.
Just because you are physically alone, does not mean you can’t find your people.
2. The world won’t always care, but you gotta care.
As alluded to earlier, Black people know all to well how it feels for non-Black people to arrive consistently late to the party regarding the acknowledgment of anti-Black racism. Personally, I’ve learned that when everything loses its “trendy nature,” those who are dedicated to causes will remain. People who work to see long term change will feel the effects of it. And, the folks I mentioned previously (who are “your people”) will be by your side caring, perhaps in different ways, but still caring.
When the world stops caring about whatever you are dedicated to, you can’t fold on your values and what you love. You cannot become a slave to the whims of what the world says you should value and care about. Determine what you care for and stand by it.
I also realize that that this caring can change and often times it changes because we go through life learning new things concerning who we are. The fluid nature of what we care about from year to year, day to day is perfectly fine. Stand by that fact of life too.
3. The “best” can be unattainable due to things out of our control.
I know this struggle all too well. I recently had to take a job that I’m not the most enthused about. It’s going to change my living location (that shit far as hell y’all), but also my financial situation for the better. There is nothing more in the world I would want to be than a full-time writer. Right now though? I simply cannot. I don’t have the money and capitalism stops for no one *cackles.*
This is when I must suggest to myself and others that we must sit with this discomfort. Honestly, I don’t know if I have more advice than this. Navigating our own understandings of what is “best” for us doesn’t always feel good. I can say now that there are two types of “best:” what is best in the moment and what we expect to be the “best.” Everything else is based on what we are comfortable with or what we desire the most ideal situation. Sometimes those two are the same thing. Sometimes the “best” options lie on opposite ends of the spectrum.
All we can do from that point when the “best” lies on opposing ends is face the fact that whatever choice we make is the one for the moment.
I haven’t said anything that is rocket science here, or majorly deep. On the whole, I want us all to understand that wanting ourselves, whether alone or with chosen community is the best thing we could ever invest in going into the new year. Wanting oneself, to me, means finding ways to bond with others despite the conditions of the year, becoming someone who wants what they desire (and need), and remaining cognizant of the ever changing nature of desire + what the best really means to you. All of these things allowed me to be in admiration of who I am and who I am transforming into as time passes.
Sending you all love (except 2020, fuck 2020).
