Why Do I Write?
Pain is the mother of all creations
Today I am in severe pain, still I want to write something, but don’t know exactly what. Maybe just some random thoughts. The aftereffects of chemo have been killing me for the last fifteen days, because of which I had to skip my upcoming chemo session. I have nothing in mind but pain, frustration, hopelessness, and helplessness. This is where I am placed in life and so many vague thoughts are storming my mind. I want to pen them all down. Why? I don’t know! Sometimes I seriously wonder why I write at all? Why at all should I serve my shit to others?
When I ponder over this, what I find is that I don’t write for anybody else. I write only for myself. Maybe it’s my ranting and venting. Who views it, reads it, claps it, likes or dislikes it, is of no concern to me. Usually, people like or dislike things according to their placement in life. Everybody has a life mix of sadness and happiness, but understandably happy persons, with no major trauma going on in life, don’t like to read about pain and frustration.
Similarly, persons with a tragic life may not like to read about happy things. See, here perspectives matter. My whole idea of writing is to find those who are on the same page with me in the book of life. The whole cry is all about finding someone who, after reading my stuff, reads my mind and says, “Hey bro, don’t worry, I am there with you, in exactly your situation, I understand your emotions and pain! Just don’t worry, you are not alone. Have courage, we can gather our shits together!”
That’s it! It is like trying to find a pearl in the ocean. It’s not at all about views, reads, claps, money and whatnot. I don’t think this whole idea of follow-for-follow is absolute crap, but we must let the following build slowly, steadily, and with a mature love for art and understanding. This only can serve the real purpose of this excellent platform.
Life is like traffic. Somebody is always ahead of you, and you are always ahead of someone. In other words, it’s not a race to win or lose, you are just positioned at a place in life. Someone will always be behind you, and you will always be behind someone. There is no comparison! There should not be any! Pain, tears and suffering of a person with no shoes is equally intense as of a person with no legs. A person with BP and diabetes is equally concerned about their health as a person like me suffering from cancer. To really understand somebody’s pain, we have to be in their shoes.
Just a few days back, my thoughts were different, but now I have realized that. Every pain is a pain, every concern is a concern. Nothing less, nothing more. Only our perspective should be larger and more humane. So, the statements like “I/we understand,” become very superficial. No, we have to feel that pain to truly understand that.
There is a famous stanza of a very renowned Indian poet Sumitranandan Pant:
“वियोगी होगा पहला कवि,
आह से उपजा होगा गान,
निकल कर आँखों से चुपचाप
बही होगी कोई कविता अनजान।”
A rough translation of it goes like this:
“separated and sad
must have been the first poet,
born out of his sighs,
quietly from the eyes
must have flown an unknown poem.”
Pain is the mother of all creations. Probably, this is the reason whenever I am in pain, I want to write poetry or at least something, not for others, just for myself!
I fear no more
To confess loneliness,
Cancer killed all my happiness;
I feel weak, frustrated,
Wasted and useless
’Cause it made me
Invalid and worthless;
But death I fear no more
Since it brings the ultimate
Truth of nothingness.
I tread my path
With no grudges,
My term with life
Is to burn no bridges,
I had a dream
To a point it converges,
Everyone departs
Whoever merges,
But I fear no more
Of any faults or glitches.
