You Cannot Do It All Alone
It’s Monday morning and I don’t know how to move out of bed… once again. The chore of walking to wash, get to my laptop, or just “try” seems impossible. My yoga mat calls me. I respond by sitting and moving through the poses with relative ease. YouTube Yogi Arianna Elizabeth’s soft spoken voice whisks me through the shavasana.
Laying with one hand on my stomach and the other on my heart, I unexpectedly think… “You Can’t Do It All Alone.” Yoga makes me highly reflective. With my participation, I always attempt to show up to the mat with the intention of letting go of present worries. In these moments where I am laying like a corpse I can get stuck in my head, but also when I’m writing or creating something the same applies. Isolation cannot last always.
Isolate (verb): cause to be alone or apart from others; identify (something) and examine or deal with it separately.
The following verb carries a weight and I never took it to mean loneliness, though some folks may. Isolation of oneself and one’s ideas proposes that creatives require reflection time. I like to use my isolation periods to get acquainted with my desires and needs. In allowing my desires and needs to see light, I uncover truths in moments of being alone.
One truth I found was that, in the last few years, I’ve been craving more emotional depth from most if not all of my relationships, yet within the writing I need more imagination. It’s been an interesting dynamic to say the least. But, I do feel that they are related in that my yearning for less alone time has left me with better visions of what I want and need from my work and the people in my life. I now know where to draw the line. I know when I’ve spent enough time in all four corners of my room and my head.
Setting oneself and environment up for healthy ways to isolate is necessary too. This pandemic may have helped some assemble healthy boundaries, but I don’t know how much it has helped me. I sat beside my record player many times and listened to Ntozake Shange’s For Colored Girls. For too long, I didn’t hear the singing…
I found God in myself
I found God in myself
& I loved her fiercely
I loved her fierceeeeeeely
I found God in myself.
Finally hearing that and comprehending what it continues to mean, signaled me to a clearer vision of my womxnhood. I have to love myself alone and with those who are dedicated to loving me, my chosen community.
Isolation is imperative in certain periods of life, but it isn’t meant to be a constant state of being.
There’s a particular cycling through isolation that occurs when I decide to write. The global pandemic has disrupted that cycle for me. I have never been so creatively stifled in my life.
I’ll be transparent…I’m one of those introverts that actually thrives on human interaction: face to face, good talks, all that. So, while I can purport about the importance and beauty of being in isolation, I also know that the sort of isolation I’ve experienced since this March has caused me hell. AND I am bored as hell. AND I am sick of the internet. I would give anything to experience an open mic night at a local club. I cannot do this all alone.
I fondly recall sharing air with fellow word benders and musicians. They didn’t know it, but those two to three hour excursions I’d spend listening or performing, inspired at least a half of all the writing I’d produce. For me, creative energy is not bound to isolation, but rather is assembled with the intention of being in service to others: sharing what one has with the world to inspire others and free others. It is an energy exchange.
Don’t get me wrong, the virtual community is nice and energy exchanges can happen in the virtual world. I like knowing that, though miles away, there are folks who support me and want to see me continue to create. My craving for non-virtual interaction comes down to needing the sensual aspects of relationships and community building. To alleviate this, I’ve begun creating healthier habits around writing and creating. Now I know that I must search for inspiration and remain honest about my emotional states during this season or “the age of Coronavirus.” I cannot do this all alone, nor can I expect for things to magically “come together” all the time.
“I cannot do this all alone,” even in mandated quarantine mode, reminds me why many types of communities exist for people to lean on. Whether, it’s chosen quarantine buddies or those far away advocates…call on folks when you need em!
Mushim Patricia Ikeda is a Buddhist teacher, writer, mentor and community activist that I enjoy listening to. She discusses community (sangha) in a way that makes it hard for me to imagine what life would like without folks who share similar envisioning as me. Check out a video of hers below.
Community, as much as isolation, is needed for a creative to see their work come alive.
