Should you not make your hobby into your job?
Short Answer
It will consume you.
Long answer
It will consume you. Ok pardon me for the clickbaity title but hear me out.
I am a software engineer by profession and computer science engineer by degree. Ya I know it doesn’t matters (for the woke, the degree doesn’t matter people). I thought that most of the complex unsolved problems are in A.I when I was starting out. The ultimate question of why are we so evolved is that we question our own evolution.
Turns out there is some level of complexity to be solved and addressed everywhere. Every field and subfield has its thing. But I think I am going way ahead of myself, let’s start from the beginning, shall we !!
So coming back to it. My hobby was well a lot of stuff. I liked doing drama, art and debates. Was I good at it, I don’t know. Do I care, definitely NOT. Obviously, until I had my laptop? Well, then I just found a gold mine of problems, getting an internet connection made it worse. Also, let me clarify no I was not bright, I’d say on a scale of Watson and Holmes, I am probably Mary. I don’t know how did sherlock did not do a background check on Mary. Damn it !!!!
But yes you get it, Right !!! Not bright, but curious enough to be trained into something worthwhile maybe.
I never intended for an engineering degree. No, it was not a mistake. But I was leaning towards a Physics degree. I mean it’s now a running gag for me which I tell people even when not asked that yeah I had an option to choose between a dual degree in Physics vs doing engineering. I chose the shotgun and blew my foot with it willingly. I mean it’s still better than blowing up your head right 👀
But the point is even then I was only looking forward to working with what a computer science degree had to offer. I will be honest, somewhere I did get lost. Not because I was worried about getting a job after 4 years. But there was simply just too much to learn is what I realised at one point. There was a huge gap between what I knew and build with my engineering subjects vs what was out there. Yes, this was before I joined my college since I had exposure to CS already. So ya I guess not having a good guide at that point definitely did end up putting a lot of noise in my head.
I mean even now it’s not that it’s completely not there. Tell me to my mentor prof who is probably annoyed about me not taking up a PhD course till now.
Here is the worse part. I could not see the noise as noise. Because hey this was my hobby right. I was in my jam. Like Captain would say
Throughout my college, I burnt out myself without even having an understanding of what I wanted to achieve. I was not running behind the next shiny thing.
I knew I wanted to know computing systems and look answers for fundamental questions , maybe make them presentable to people.
I needed to know certain subjects to a certain depth. I picked my field and studied accordingly. But damn !! even then it was a lot. It still is. Because that statement above did not talk about any end goals. Not a small milestone nor a goal. Not even a problem. I mean what system? What are you solving and for whom?
And also let me clear the mist for anyone. A job is not impossible to get on your own if you come from a privileged background like mine. It’s difficult but it’s not impossible. What do you mean privileged? Well, you have your own laptop and internet and do not have to worry about whether you can buy the next two-course meal for your family while having a roof over your head to cry about the unfairness of society.
But all this learning, for really what then? To be honest I still don’t know. My latest fad, large scale distributed systems. I mean my day job involves now looking at charts making me shit my pants, thinking that the entire organization's traffic goes through my team's application and infra. Geez !!!!
But in hindsight, I just feel it is a fad. I might go deep down and knee-deep to know all there is about it. I mean there is really an endless supply of such problems when the scale is this big. Heck who knows I might just end up writing something that might just catch CNCF's attention. But the question remains, what’s the end goal.
You see a hobby does not have an end goal right. But let me slap reality hard on to this. Tasks have end goals. Companies have metrics. Even a damn PhD course has metric of papers published in some A* level of conference etc. Do you remember the art/drama/debate stuff I did? They did not have an end goal either.
Because they were hobbies. Some people ride bikes as their hobby. No end goal, they just ride. The road is long and the wind’s fast enough to chill the senses. Some play the guitar or do comedy. The point is most people do have hobbies that do not have an end goal and it’s fine.
You need an end goal and milestones to build a sense of progression. With your professional career it becomes even more important.
Problem is, that the hobby that I have must have an end goal. It now has metrics. Whether how my workplace judges me or how my colleagues do or how society does. I mean I still rethink my decision of leaving the title of Senior Engineer at some places only to be reminded hey I have the next big thing to learn and master.
So the question remains, was it the right decision to pursue my hobby, try and turn it into a career. Well like almost anything, all things in moderation is good. Except waging war and crimes against humanity !! don’t do that. 😐, The species is already in non-self-preservation mode, let’s not make it any worse. Now given a hobby is not something you do all time, although you have fun in it, you naturally end up having that moderation.
But with a job, it does form a majority of your time. A majority chunk of what you will be spending time with will be your work of any sort. I mean till you are not financially independent. And no even if you are a CEO, building a company and probably you just have a hobby of being a CEO, ( I don’t know how you got that but let’s assume you did ), you still are effectively working. A work that must have results. The job may be calming your mind or distracting or soothing your senses and relaxing you. I mean, it might but it's not necessary that it will do that. So the concept of moderation is dead at this point. With a hobby I still can take a call of, I don’t know something today and it’s fine if learn it the next week, the world will not fall apart. But with a job I really don’t have the luxury of that call.
Then there is the point of achieving excellence in one’s craft. You see a hobby is something you can be bad at and yet enjoy. Have you heard those people who just sing horribly but sing with nothing held back and just do not care how many people are they forcing to go deaf in that short span? I mean I have heard myself back in 2004 and recently. I just want my old voice back now. But nonetheless, the point I want to make is in a hobby it’s fine to take time and be better over a really really slow process of years. Chances are there might not be anything to be better at. I mean what about people who collect coins as a hobby. Like what do you collect, better coins?
But take me as an example. I cannot afford to be bad at what I do. I mean naturally, I will progress if I keep doing it more and more for years. But it will not hone the craft. But since, I am part of the workforce that endless lifetime of years might not be something I really have right? I have to be constantly learning and be able to solve and build better. And do it in quick succession of months and years. Some might just say slow down, yes I can I should but my fast might just be someone else’s slow. There there is also this weird thought process you may end up building which I often suffer through where I feel I should be good at something if it’s something that I love to do, and when you are not you just end up putting more time in it and the cycle really has no stop. I mean do I have to talk more about this? I think the points are clear.
The way I see it
Perfect is the enemy of progress but good enough is the enemy of better.
But what if you do end up enjoying the same thing for years while setting up goals and milestones and also doing it with no moderation. Well in that case welcome to the bandwagon, you know. I guess bandwagon of people, who turned their hobby into their job and just working to hone their craft as best as they can. Running and smashing every shiny thing on the way while being able to solve something for some people. All the while someone is paying you to have fun. Congratulations !!! You may have just found your Ikigai.
However, if you do end up burnt out and believe that it was probably a wrong call and maybe keeping the distinction between your no objective hobby and highly aspirational career, then I understand you. Why you may ask? Because I am writing this today because I am myself trying to navigate through this. I have been doing it for years. To be honest, downright ignored it many a time. So ya if you are in a similar position as mine , hope this write up helped you to maybe visualize your thoughts better.
Ciao !!!
