Anxious about the Essential Workers in My Life
Early or late-night phone calls and texts in between, counting down the days till we see each other again. My boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship and now with the coronavirus pandemic, the days we had planned to see each other have been postponed.
Overall, my biggest challenge has been dealing with the rationalized fear I have observed in others and myself. The fear of not knowing the outcome of this crisis and feeling trapped in my home has also taken a toll on my mental health.
According to Mimi Winsberg, a psychiatrist and co-founder of Brightside, a website and app that offers treatment and medication for anxiety and depression, has seen a “50% bump in new users since the start of the quarter.”
How long will this actually last? How many people in my city will be affected? Do we have enough food and funds to partake in staying at home full-time?
My specific concern is for my loved ones such as my father and boyfriend. For example, my father is the provider in my household, he works in construction and it is important for him to work so my family can have money for our necessities, especially during this crisis.
Another concern I have is for my boyfriend who works at a grocery store, and now with classes being online, he has picked up more hours at work. I am concerned that they are both at higher risk because they are in more contact with other people.
With the governor’s stay at home orders, I am also concerned about losing interpersonal communication with those who I am not with all the time now like my boyfriend and my friends. I would get to see them every weekend and we’d go out to eat, to concerts, or wherever as long as we could be together.
Now we are limited to phone calls, texts, and group video chats. Even then it’s been a challenge because it’s not the same as being face-to-face with each other. I have also noticed the Wi-Fi is slower at my house and won't let me join video chats because it’ll kick me out or while I’m on the call the video will appear to be very pixelated and low quality.
As for my boyfriend specifically, it’s harder now for us to spend time together because even before the coronavirus limitations, I would only get to see him in person about once a week because he is a full-time student and works a part-time job. This would result in us planning out which days we could visit each other since the distance between us is significant, other than being busy. We still call and text as much as we can, but as I mentioned he has picked up more hours at work and has been working roughly about 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Monday through Saturday and sometimes Sunday’s leaving us with more gaps in between our responses.
However, an unexpected advantage in this is that I am now able to spend a lot more time with my family. With everyone home now we have been cooking together, playing board games, and binge-watching tv shows and movies. It’s been a while since we’ve been able to spend quality time together like this with everyone home, especially since my younger brothers are involved in extracurricular activities at school, or I’d be out with my friends, so we were rarely all together at home. I was also living on campus at California State University, Northridge, so I’d typically be there during the week. On the weekends I would share my free time to go back to Santa Paula to visit my family and friends or visit my boyfriend in LA, or he’d visit me.
But I moved back home in Santa Paula a few days ago because the campus housing was offering contract cancellations and refunds if we decided to move out. So, I chose to move out since classes are now online, and I could use the extra money right now. Especially since my main source of income of writing for a music blog has been paused as a result of the coronavirus outbreak and budget cuts. I can still write for the publication, however, I can’t be paid for specific projects until business gets better. But on the bright side, I can spend more quality time with my family and focus on adjusting to my online classes.
Scrolling through memes on both Twitter and Instagram has been helping me stress a little less and laugh. My top favorite memes as a result of the coronavirus right now are the ones where they have personified the virus and named it “Ms. Rona” and also the ones where it’s about people adjusting to online classes. In a way, it’s comforting because it makes it seem like we are all in this together.
A bonus of online classes is we can now eat during class! Yet, I am still concerned about losing track of time and feeling frustrated with my schedule and feeling like I’m trapped at home. I got used to my routine at CSUN. Walking to my classes, spending time with my roommate after class, and meeting with my trainer at the gym on campus. These were a few things in my routine that made me feel productive and in a way like a motivation support system to stay on top of all my tasks.
I know we can go out for walks, but I am worried about losing some of that motivation and just feeling stuck in my room to be in class and to work on homework. I have also been listening to music to help boost my mood or talking out my sappy feeling with my friends or boyfriend.
My friends and I are avid concert goers and have had a few concerts postponed or canceled because of the coronavirus, my friends and I have made playlists for each other and sometimes video chat for karaoke. This is a playlist I had prepared for our spring break get together that has been postponed.
