I’m Living Through a Pandemic and I Couldn’t Be Less Scared

This is a meme about the virus, asking for a zombie apocalypse instead of a pandemic.

My dad, a Peruvian immigrant in his late 50s, sits at the kitchen table and says in Spanish, “Never in my lifetime did I think I’d live to see something like this.” I look at him, and immediately the most arrogant of responses comes to my mind and it’s, “I’m not surprised.”

How could I be? I’ve seen too much. My whole life has been an advancement in the digital age, and the desensitization I feel through all of this has grown up with me. Other than getting sick, this is my greatest fear. Apathy for the unknown, and in my opinion that could be considered a sickness in of itself.

I was born in 1997. My generation is the end of the notorious Millennials and the start of Generation Z. I know what it’s like to have a landline and push four times for “T” to text, but I don’t remember too vividly life without smartphones.

I remember what 9/11 was like the day that it happened. I’ve lived through the Iraq war, countless economic crashes, a black president, a reality TV president, and now a global pandemic.

That’s not to say I want to feel panicked that the world is ending because it’s not and I don’t, but I look at my father and can see his anxiety. He and so many of his generation are operating a world, they don’t know if it makes sense anymore, and they’re vocalizing it.

Both of my parents at the end of a long day of quarantine. (Elianne Salas)

My father is a simple man who wants simple things for his family. He doesn’t expect things like global pandemics — but no one really does — because he and his generation have kept only one thing in mind: survival. I understand his anxieties because who would have thought the circumstances of my coming home would be like this.

I grew up in the suburb of Santa Clarita and that’s where I’ve been staying with my family for a few days now. It’s the longest I’ve been in my childhood home since moving away for college. I hoped I’d come back under better circumstances.

Everything feels different here because of the state of the world and everything physically here has totally changed. I would not expect to be here at all if this pandemic weren’t happening, but it’s really unfathomable to predict what the world as a whole is now facing.

I find myself thankful to still have the structure of this house when everything outside of it feels so uncertain and unpredictable. I’ve been trying to remind myself that this is what will carry me through during this time away from school, my routine, and my place of work.

I’ve been removed from my university for my safety. My place of work at the Oviatt Library has been shut down for the sake of public health. I have not been in my campus apartment out of fear that they will implement a state-wide lockdown and I do not have the sufficient supplies or ability to make it on my own. I’m not the only person experiencing this and it’s heartbreaking to me to see others who are not fortunate enough to have somewhere else to go.

I’m seeing life-altering and unrooting events happen to so many of my peers, friends, and coworkers. I’m seeing most of us have a collective reaction of resignation and an attitude that feels equivalent to, “it is what it is.”

I think for many of us its a version of protective coating we are wearing. There are no words I could accurately put together to describe the frustration and anger we feel if the culmination of our college experiences and hard work end with a postponed commencement.

I think it's a protective coating that we have been personally and gradually creating our whole lives as the guinea pig generation, growing up with the 24-hour news cycle and world wide web. It’s modern armor for the modern age, and I truly believe it’s the only thing sustaining the mental health of quite a few young people.

I think about my parents who are high-risk for what this unknown and deadly virus could unleash on them. I think about my friends who are in good health, but could have an adverse reaction should they get infected. But none of this frightens me because I feel deep in my core that I will be okay. There is no comparison to the fear individuals who have no one to look after them must feel.

I’m choosing not to think about this apathy I feel as of right now because its the armor I think that gets me past the feeling of doom perpetuated by the news. Every other crisis I’ve seen has prepared my generation for this and no matter how bad it seems the sun has always risen in the morning.