Mo Weekly #42
“I said swing! swing!! Not swim” – Tekno
In an alleged non-violent altercation between Tekno’s team and a group of Cuble employees at a lounge earlier this week, the nerds were sat on and asked to pull their ears and recite the lyrics to the 7-day old hit- DON’T JEALOUS ME.
Brief backstory: Last week, we reported that Tekno said “Sheep don’t run with Lion;Snake don’t swim with monkey” as opposed to the claims by his team that he said “Sheep don’t run with Lion; Snake don’t swing with monkey”.
According to the report from our nerds at the lounge, Tekno’s guys yelled at them (the employees) with their (Tekno’s guys) cranberry (yes! Cranberry) laden breathes “repeat after me”. And whilst a lot of our researchers admitted to bursting out in tears, Cuble reiterates that this altercation was non-violent; our employees are just not physically adept in any way. The sugar packets had to be opened halfway at some point during their stay with us due to a rising fear of paper-cut-related law suits amongst the management.
In retaliation to the reports, we decided to have a sit-down with Tekno in a way that would best be described as ‘ I heard what you did to my kid’ or ‘the only reason this is a conversation and not a legal action is because we want to use your name for article views for the second week in a row’.
Here’s a summarised version of how that went:
I asked Jonathan to be present at the discussion.
Mo: Good morning Mr Tekno, thank you for agreeing to meet with us
Tekno: Good Morning, I just want to make one thing clear, I said swing! Not swim
Mo: yes, I was getting there, that’s why Jonathan is here. He headed research on that one
Tekno: I just want to make make one thing clear, I said swing! Not swim
Mo: (sighs) what do you have to say for yourself Jonathan?
Jonathan: it sounded a lot like swim..
Mo: did you conduct any form of research asides the fact that ‘it sounded like swim’
Jonathan: No, the WiFi was acting up and I just assumed he said swim, I mean it’s Afrobeats, when have the lyrics ever mattered?
Tekno: Have you ever listened to any of my songs?
Jonathan: No. Of course not
Tekno: what about you?
Mo:(coughing) I need to use the rest room real quick
Tekno: Una papa! (Your fathers!)
Mo: (returning from the fake restroom visit) one thing that really caught my attention from the report of the nerds was the fact that your guys were drinking cranberry juice at a lounge. Why?
Tekno: Cranberry juice, which packs a hefty dose of Vitamin C provides most pregnant women with an easy way to stay hydrated while minimizing potentially serious health problem like UTI’s. It is very safe and nutricious during pregnancy.
Mo: is that the answer you’re going with?
Tekno: Yeah
Mo: Why?
Tekno: We’re just doing our part, the need for Cranberry juice during pregnancy can be lessened by sperm that is already carrying a hefty dose of Vitamins gotten from it
Mo: Say psych
Tekno: ….
Mo: anyways, we extend our deepest apologies for misquoting you
Tekno: No problem
Tekno leaves the premises leaving all of us genuinely perplexed at his bold understanding of science. We need to buff up on our sperm knowledge. I have no need to fact check that because Tekno said it so it has to be correct.
