Mo Weekly #20
The truth about the apple that fell from the tree: PART II
An interview with apple and tree expert, Bartholomew:
Mo: Welcome welcome welcome, good to have you in the studio with us
Bart: It’s a pleasure to be here. I was so glad when I got your call. I strongly believe this is an issue that doesn’t get enough attention
Mo: You recently published a thesis on the controversy about the apple that fell from the tree
Bart: Well in the simplest terms yes. But it’s a lot more complex than that…
…My thesis “scientes malum procidens” is basically a treatise that explains all the mysteries of the known universe. But yes it all links back to the Apple falling from the tree. That is by far the most significant event in recorded human history…
…I should know. I’ve dedicated my life to its study
Mo: That is Latin, right?
Bart: Yes
Mo: Personally I’m in awe of your thesis, but how do you respond to chatter that this is just another in the line of bold claims with unfounded premise?
Bart: Rantings of simpletons ! Empty musings of Troglodytes ! Men who are not deserving of apples and trees! I have sacrificed the love of my family. My job. My health. Perhaps even my sanity in the pursuit of this knowledge. How dare they?
…Wait what was the question again ?
Mo: What is the premise of your thesis?
Bart: Well my dear boy. We’ve been asking the wrong questions. We ask ‘why does the Apple not fall far from the tree?’ But the Apple is not merely falling from the tree.
…we should be asking ;why is the tree disposing of these juicy apples ?
In one word- racism. In another word- sexism. In a final word- religious discrimination…all apples are in reality black muslim women…and the trees are the white man
Mo: how so?
Bart: It’s all a metaphor for the patriarchy
Mo: One might say that the connection between your thesis and these social issues is merely to attract more attention to it (your thesis), what some would refer to as ‘clout chasing’
Bart: To those I respond: Your biological dad is clout chasing!
Mo: Has a life of seclusion been worth it in pursuit of your thesis?
Bart: That’s an excellent question…next question please!
Mo: But…
Bart: Yes. Exactly ! Beautiful Muslim black women do have Apple bottoms, You get it now! It’s all linked!
Mo: do you need me to go over the question?
Bart: Wait I get paid for this right? I’m behind on my child support
Mo: We’ll be in touch with your assistant
Bart: I have an assistant ?! Cool
Mo: who do you think the man that drove you here and is currently beside the cameraman is?
Bart: One of my groupies probably
Mo: I’m glad to inform you that he’s your assistant
Bart: (looking at his assistant ) but…but…J…John.. all those things you said, do you even love ..
Mo: (interjecting) Sir! this seems like a private matter
Bart:… b…John?… wait so you’re around because I pay you?
John: Yup
Mo: oh save it for later John
Bart:….(starts sobbing)
Mo: Do you need me to call someone for you sir?
Bart: Yeah my ex wife’s new husband. He’s my ride
Mo: Wow! …that’s a wrap… it was good to have you
Bart: (turns to the camera) baby if you can hear me I’m the tree and you’re the Apple. You’ve always been the Apple. Please take me back
Mo: Well that’s gonna make for an awkward car ride
PART II OF III
