Wheat Futures Surge As Adeyinka Changes Avi
Savior and leader of Intellectric Systems, Adeyinka Amurawaiye, made changes to his Twitter avi on Thursday night, only to wake up to major surges in irrelevant but recently low performing stock in the form of wheat on Friday morning. Often described as “The Messiah” of electricity by people he paid to do so, the wide eyed, bushy browed twenty four year old confirmed to press outside his home that he knew “a change was coming” when he decided to pass up his Android Bot Mascot for a cropped out blurry image of him that oddly, registered a strange facial expression of pain and pleasure. Despite the surging wheat futures having no connection with power, tech or even the internet, Adeyinka maintains that his avi change has a profound impact on the environment and the “future of our children”
“I’ve spoken to the New Yorker about this” he said on Friday “They said that if the hundred and forty-two stories that are lined up for the front page don’t fly then they’ll consider carrying my story…. And that’s a pretty good chance if you ask me.” When asked about his co-founders and why he never talked about them, he replied: “While those fools are ‘building working working prototypes and what-not I’m here making history.”
Adeyinka’s exact role at Intellectric Systems has long been an issue of debate and speculation, as reporters calling on him to satisfy their curiosity in the past has only solicited a snort and then inaudible mumbling from Adeyinka. However on Friday he came fully prepared to reply these queries, he said: “I’m working with a team of experts to determine my real position, but I assure you, I’m very very important.”
Although the rise in wheat futures coincides with more notable events like Hugh Jackman eating a bagel on the Ellen Show, Iman confirming that it’s all Photoshop, to Dolly Parton visiting a farm in her home town, whilst holding up a handful of wheat and saying: “I endorse wheat” three times, sources confirm that there is nothing anyone can say to change Adeyinka’s mind.
When a reporter pointed this out to him on Friday, someone quickly thrust a phone at Adeyinka saying it was urgent. Adeyinka was then bundled quickly into his car by three large men while speaking with God knows who on the phone about “The Middle East.”
