Mo Weekly #58

Woman reveals superficial reason she left her marriage

Lucille, a 35 year old recently divorced woman revealed to Cuble why she left her marriage.

Lucille reached out to Cuble earlier in the week stating that she had been unable to share her story with her family and friends detailing the abrupt end of her seemingly perfect marriage.

When asked why she has been unable to do so, Lucille responded “…because I am ashamed, partly for my husband..ex-husband and partly for my decision to leave for said reason..”.

Mo- Was he unfaithful?

Lucille- No

Mo- Were you unfaithful?

Lucille- No

Mo- Why did you leave?

Lucille- His h-factor… it was repulsive

Mo- No, seriously, why did you get a divorce?

Lucille- His h-factor. Of course I had to lie that I cheated so there would be a ground for divorce but it was really his inability to handle his vowels

H factor is an articulation disorder that affects an individual’s command of the letter ‘h’ and its sound. It manifests in two forms:

1. An individual may uncontrollably affix the ‘h’ sound at the beginning of words that begin with vowels. E.g. someone suffering from the defect would say ‘H-anatomy’ instead of ‘Anatomy’.
2. An individual would discard the ‘h’ at the beginning of a word and commence articulation from the second letter. E.g. ‘arp’ instead of ‘Harp’.

Mo- If h-factor is such a turn off, why did you marry him in the first place? You must have heard it at some point

Lucille- I honestly didn’t. Until our marriage he always talked really slowly, like very very slow, it annoyed a lot of our friends but it didn’t seem to bother me. I always thought it was Wole Soyinka-esque

Mo- At what point in your marriage did you first notice the defect?

Lucille- I think this is the stage where I inform you that we were only married for 8 months before separation. To answer your question, It was rampant after our marriage, the first time I recall suspecting the defect was on our wedding day. He said “Hi do”

Mo: Well that’s unfortunate

Lucille: I thought it was a mistake, little did I know that I was signing up for a lifetime of breathless conversations. He once passed out after trying to say “Hannah had a hell of a harvest and I hope Henry appreciates her efforts”

Mo: Although I don’t think anyone can get through that sentence alive, do you stand by your decision to have left your marriage for what many would consider trivial ?

Lucille: Yes. Yes I do.

The moral of Lucille’s revelation is that no one should feel like they have to stay in an uncomfortable relationship.

For better or worse? Not if you’re pronouncing ‘or’ with the ‘h’ sound.