Can Carly Rae Jepsen’s “I Really Like You” End Climate Change?
…and is the video merely a provocative art piece that forces you to wonder about her friendship with Tom Hanks?
Anyone who has completed middle school and wasn’t too stoned the entire time walked away with a working knowledge of the scientific method. In this post, I, a C- biology student, will use the scientific method to discern whether or not Carly Rae Jepsen’s insanely catchy new single and possible future Entertainment Weekly Presents the Song of Summer 2015™, “I Really Like You,” is ending winter and perhaps even stopping climate change for good.
1. Introduction of Topic
Climate change is objectively terrible and winter wants us to die. On both counts, we are sooo over it and simply can’t even. This past winter in particular—filled with sub-zero temperatures and epic snowfall—has left a continent full of freezing, frostbitten, fat fools. Many of us haven’t had sexual contact with another living human in, like, two and half months because going outside to find a mate has been too much to bear and we have a bag of Pita Chips waiting for us in our bed anyway. Rising sea levels, man, I tell ya!
Why has this winter been so bad? And why is climate change? Arctic winds, ISIS, Hillary Clinton’s private email account? IDK, I’m not a fucking scientist—I mix manifold DJ Mustard songs into one another for a living, silly!
The point is this: the last four months have been cold and awful because we’ve totally ruined the earth, our diets are terrible, we need bigger pants and we may want to return/exchange the gift of life if we could just find the damn receipt. We need help.
2. Ask a Question
Hark! What’s that in the distance? Is that you, Grand Dame of Canada, 29-year-old phenom Carly Rae Jepsen?* And is that far-off twinkle the sound of your euphoric newly-released single, “I Really Like You?” Sweet salvation! What’s more, is our current bout of non-glacial temperatures across the East Coast related to you bestowing this song and its’ odd viral-bait video starring Tom Hanks upon our atmosphere? Is it really possible that “I Really Like You”—possible future Entertainment Weekly Presents the Song of Summer 2015™—is unfreezing this tundra and bringing joy back into our frigid existence? Can it go even further? Can “I Really Like You” end climate change!?**
(*While we’re asking questions: Carly Rae is a real-life 29-year-old woman and not a hormonal tween? Does that mean a grown-ass, 26-year-old female wrote and sang signature tween-emblem “Call Me Maybe?” Does this feel wrong to anyone else, somehow?)
(**I realize I’m asking more than one question and I don’t care. What are you, the Science Police? It’s my post and I can ask as many questions as I damn well please.)
3. Construct a Hypothesis
CallMeMaybe Rae Jepsen’s newest ditty is, with its sheer exuberant existence and perfectly calibrated summery-ness, bringing this horrid winter to a swift end. It may simultaneously be doing Al Gore one better by using the power of highly-calculated radio music to fix the international crisis known as climate change.
4. Test Hypothesis With an Experiment:
To test my hypothesis, I listened to “I Really Like You” on repeat for four days while doing stuff in New York City. I used my eyes and body to observe whether it was ending winter and climate change. This is a perfectly sound scientific approach.
Day One: “I Really Like You” came out and I listened to it while doing errands downtown, like mailing an old computer that I sold on ebay to a strange man in Hollywood, Florida named BuyYourParts. During my three hours or so of walking around, I probably listened to “I Really Like You” 17 times. By choice! Because this song rules. It’s a snappy, well-constructed blast of 1989-ian pop so ebullient that disliking it means you are, definitively, a grinch.
“Damn, this song is catchy as hell,” I thought as I stepped into a puddle of melting snow and soaked my Vans. “I really really really really really really really like you!” are the lyrics of the chorus and I’ll be damned if that’s not easy to remember. Earworm alert! I’d memorized the entire song before I’d even written BuyYourParts’ address on the packing slip. I also realized that if someone even tried to dislike this song, they would eventually have no choice because “I Really Like You” is the slightly racist Grandma of songs: It’ll be a loud, embarrassing part of your life for a long time and there’s probably no conscionable way to kill it until it’s good and ready to die.
Then a drop of sweat fell down my brow. WHAT!? Am I actually overdressed!? Aha!
Conclusion: Day One, the day “I Really Like You” was born, was one of the first 40+ degree days in NYC in recent months. There was sunshine and walking around outside was not a miserable death sentence for once, especially while listening to this fantastic song! Indeed, early results of my experiment appeared to indicate that “I Really Like You” was single-handedly ending winter and possibly even course-correcting climate change.
Day Two: I had a studio session uptown and thus had to ride the F Train from Carroll Gardens all the way to 57th Street. On this 25 minute ride, I listened to “I Really Like You” a total of 5 times. This was less than initially planned, but a CDQ version of Kanye’s new single “All Day” had just surfaced and I had to throw that in the mix as well. I made up for it by listening to “Really” a total of 10 more times later in the day. I realized there are so many adorable aspects of this song. The way Carly coos, “Who gave you eyes like that? Said you could keep em?” on the bridge. The way she whispers, “I need to tell you something” right before that last chorus shows you how the Buddha felt when he reached nirvana. Tell us anything, Carl!
As I walked down 55th street towards the studio, though, the weather was iffy. It was still pretty warm—hovering around 40 according to my weather app—but the clouds looked ominous. I’d later find out it was indeed about to snow. AGAIN. When I left my session that evening, I also realized a cruel twist of fate: relatively warm weather sucks when mixed with snow. Damn you, Carly! The streets were flooded with slush, it was pouring cold sleet, and I once again stepped in numerous freezing puddles and soaked my vans (I realize I need invest in some boots).
Conclusion: While the temperature had maintained from the day before, proving that “I Really Like You” is ending winter, the 586th snowfall of the year paired with the slushy mess outside said that it may not be ending climate change, after all ☹.
Day Three: Full disclosure right off the bat: After having listened to “I Really Like You” so many times over the preceding couple days, I needed a little break. Just a little one. I mean, she says the word “really” a whole lot on this thing. During one of my five spins on Day Three, I counted: She really says “really” 67 times. Really! That’s a lot of “reallys.” It’s usually really awesome, but sometimes it’s really too much. You just have to really be in the “really” mood. Really. Really. Really. OKAY I’LL STOP. Full Disclosure part two: I was a little hung-over and overslept on Day Three.
The weather on Day Three remained warm, above 40 again. But heavy rain came in the afternoon and it turned into yet another snowstorm later that night. This made my jaw drop. “MORE RAIN AND SNOW? THIS CAN’T BE LIFE, SON!” I screamed, scaring the shit out of my cat. I gazed outside at the island at our fair city. “Will New York drown? Carly? Is it ruined?”
Conclusion: Much like the day before, the warmer weather made me believe in the power of “I Really Like You”—possible future Entertainment Weekly Presents the Song of Summer 2015™—to end winter. But there’s evidence that it was not powerful enough to end climate change. Yet.
Day Four: On Day Four Carly dropped the video for “I Really Like You,” merely a provocative art piece that forces you to spend three-and-a-half minutes wondering about Carly Rae Jepsen’s friendship with Tom Hanks. How did they meet? How often do they kick it? What do Carly Rae Jepsen and Forest Gump giggle about when they have slumber parties? Is CRJ a pop star because she is desperately seeking her father’s approval?
On Day Four, I quit all my jobs, broke up with my boyfriend and killed my dog just so I could spend as much time as possible watching this video, tracking the weather, and pondering the nature of CarTom Rae JepAnks.
Conclusion: The morning was filled with clouds, wind, slush and was back to freezing temperatures. But the evening was freakishly warm for March. Like Tom-Hanks-in-a-Carly-Rae-Jepsen-video-freakishly warm. I don’t know anymore, Carly. I really really really really really just don’t know.
5. Ask Yourself, “Is The Experiment Working?”
Um, fuck yeah it’s working. These results are irrefutable. What kind of step is that?
6. Analyze Data and Draw Conclusions:
After meticulously working through each of the steps of the scientific method, I’m concluding that “I Really Like You” is, slowly but surely, bringing us out of the winter and into a much brighter summer. My data also predicts that, as the temperature continues to rise, so to will the ubiquity of this song. Coincidence? I think not. This song is potent as fuck and we may not have yet seen the extent of its witchcraft.
However, whether or not “I Really Like You” can end climate change is, unlike climate change itself, still open for debate. Sure, the 40 degree days it generated brought us up to normal March temperatures. But the endless rain, snow, slush and flooding mean that “I Really Like You” still needs to gain more momentum before we can properly judge its effects on atmospheric history.
7. Communicate Results / Next Steps:
As Sir Isaac Newton famously taught us, “Chill and see, bro.” We’ll just have to wait it out. The only thing we know for certain is that “I Really Like You” means the adolescent girl who made “Call Me Maybe,” actually a nearly 30-year-old woman, has another smash on her hand. Maybe only Scooter Braun knows whether this song can actually affect global warming? Scooter?
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