Too Drunk to Fuck: Savage Shots of 1980s Rock Fanatics

32 authentic, vivid photographs of heavy metal and punk rock lifestyles

Ted Pillow
Oct 6, 2016 · 7 min read

I love the Internet K Hole—it’s a “found photo” blog that scours the internet and flea markets for outrageous pictures from yesteryear (warning: the site, but not this post, features some NSFW images of nudity, sex, drug use, etc.). Rather than going down the standard “awkward family photos” route, Internet K Hole has a soft spot for bygone youth subcultures, especially the punk rock and heavy metal scenes of the 1980s.

The photos are authentic, vivid snapshots of music-driven lifestyles, and below are 32 of the craziest, most awkward, and most absurdly funny selections. In keeping with the site’s musical leanings, each picture has been paired with a particularly evocative 80s(ish) punk or metal lyric.

I’m a streetwalking cheetah with a heart full of napalm / I’m a runaway son of the nuclear A-bomb / I am the world’s forgotten boy / The one who searches and destroys
~The Stooges, “Search and Destroy”

They saved Hitler’s cock / They hid it under a rock / I discovered it last night / I couldn’t even believe my eyes
~Angry Samoans, “They Saved Hitler’s Cock”

But love, love will tear us apart again / Love, love will tear us apart again ~Joy Division, “Love Will Tear Us Apart”

Ride the dragon toward the crimson eye / Flap the wings under Mars’ red sky / The reptile pushes itself out into space / Leaving behind, the human race ~Sleep, “Dragonaut”

But you treat me like poison / Even with the lights on / Guess I might as well be dead / Oh, I’m in the graveyard
~Dead Moon, “Graveyard”

Went to a party / I danced all night / I drank sixteen beers / And I started up a fight
~Dead Kennedys, “Too Drunk To Fuck”

Close your eyes / And forget your name / Step outside yourself / And let your thoughts drain / As you go insane, insane ~Slayer, “Seasons in the Abyss”

You know I’m born to lose, and gambling’s for fools / But that’s the way I like it baby / I don’t wanna live forever / And don’t forget the joker! ~Motorhead, “Ace of Spades”

I feel bad, and I’ve felt worse / I’m a creep, yeah, I’m a jerk / Come on, Touch me, I’m sick
~Mudhoney, “Touch Me I’m Sick”

All the children on the street / hope they get something good to eat / But for me it’s not so great / Fuck Christmas!
~Fear, “Fuck Christmas”

Torches blazed and sacred chants were praised / As they start to cry hands held to the sky / In the night the fires are burning bright / The ritual has begun, Satan’s work is done ~Iron Maiden, “The Number of the Beast”

Dad’s got a job at DuPont / Mom’s working at Monsanto / All my friends are here / Ready to party, man / It’s stupid haircuts and stupid clothes / What a stupid life / In a wonderful subdivision
~Drunks With Guns, “Wonderful Subdivision”

I don’t want to live / To be forty-three / I don’t like / What I see going on around me ~Circle Jerks, “Life Fast, Die Young”

She’s a white girl / But I’m living with a white girl
~X, “White Girl”

We ain’t got no friends / Our troubles never end / No Christmas cards to send / Daddy likes men
~The Ramones, “We’re A Happy Family”

Typical girls are looking for something / Typical girls fall under spells / Typical girls buy magazines / Typical girls feel like hell ~The Slits, “Typical Girls”

Jesus don’t want me for a sunbeam / ’Cause sunbeams are not made like me
~The Vaselines, “Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam”

And so it’s now we choose to fight / To stick up for our bloody right / The right to ring, the right to dance / The right is ours…we’ll take the chance! ~Bad Brains, “Pay to Cum”

Satan flying / From his throne / Towards the gates / Of Heaven ~Nocturnus, “Lake of Fire”

You tell me that I make no difference / At least I’m fuckin’ trying / What the fuck have you done?
~Minor Threat, “In My Eyes”

This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before ~Butt-head

I’m so happy we live in harmony / I’m so happy we’ll change history / I’m so… I’m so happy / I wanna kill my family ~Coffin Break, “Kill the President”

If you’re gonna scream / Scream with me / Moments like this never last ~The Misfits, “Hybrid Moments”

Standing on the stairs / Cold, cold morning / Ghostly image of fear / Mayday, mayday / Gonna leave this region / They’ll take me with them ~Wipers, “D-7”

Adrenaline starts to flow / You’re thrashing all around / Acting like a maniac / Whiplash ~Metallica, “Whiplash”

I live my life like there’s no tomorrow / And all I’ve got I had to steal / Least I don’t need to beg or borrow / Yes, I’m living at a pace that kills / Runnin’ with the devil
~Van Halen, “Runnin’ with the Devil”

I am a patient boy / I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait / My time is water down a drain ~Fugazi, “Waiting Room”

You’re not punk, and I’m telling everyone / Save your breath, I never was one / You don’t know what I’m all about / Like killing cops and reading Kerouac ~Jawbreaker, “Boxcar”

Feeling so groovy / I’m feeling so groovy / I’m feeling so groovy it sucks ~The Queers, “Feeling Groovy”

In the bible we looked / While our cities all cooked / The mutants didn’t learn / Towards Satan they turned / While the wind ripped and tore / From the wrath of the incinerator ~Slaughter, “Incinerator”

Pillage the village, trash the scene / But better not take it out on me / Cause a ghost town is found / Where your city used to be ~Pantera, “Cowboys From Hell”

It doesn’t matter / I’ll probably get hit by a car anyway
~Suicidal Tendencies, “Institutionalized”


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Ted Pillow

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Writer. Jokes, movies, etc. Bylines @ThePlaylist @TheHardTimes @Awl @McSweeneys. Hundreds of film reviews @Arthouse Grindhouse: arthousegrindhouse.wordpress.com

Cuepoint

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