There are SO many love songs out there: songwriters from Adele to Taylor Swift to Lionel Richie have made their careers off the genre. But, not every big ballad gives good advice when it comes to lasting love.

While I have experience in dating and relationships, I would never claim expertise in the field. Thankfully, I know someone who wrote the book on modern dating (literally: Modern Dating: A Field Guide). Meet Chiara Atik— a playwright and dating writer.

So, Chiara, Adele’s super popular love ballad “Hello” got me thinking about the other super popular love ballad “Hello” by super popular Lionel Richie:

I’ve been alone with you
Inside my mind
And in my dreams I’ve kissed your lips
A thousand times
I sometimes see you
Pass outside my door
… 
Hello!
Is it me you’re looking for?
’cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
Or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven’t got a clue
But let me start by saying I love you

Now I can excuse the open as gaga fantasy/daydreaming and even overlook its stalker-like creepiness for a second. (Clay sculptures aside.) But, the later choruses get creepier and I just don’t know if any girl would be cool with it (or have her heart won) if a guy starts his introduction to her by saying “I love you.” I mean, Lionel, how about… oh, I don’t know… uh… “Hello?” When should she start paperwork on the restraining order?

Chiara writes: Yeah, starting with saying “I love you,” is pretty bold, also presumptuous. (He loves his fantasy of this person, but he couldn’t possibly, yet, love the real person!) Artistic license aside (because I believe it’s okay for musicians and poets to be more, let’s say, ardent in art than in life), a good way to translate this sentiment for everyday use would be, “Hello! Would you like to get coffee sometime? I’d love to get to know you better.” A bit more prosaic, perhaps, but a lot less stalker-y.

Keeping with the 80s theme, I went back and really listened to the lyrics of Kool & The Gang’s seagull-sweeping soundscape “Cherish” and found myself beyond creeped out:

The world is always changing, nothing stays the same
But love will stand the test of time
The next life that we live in remains to be seen
Will you be by my side

I often pray before I lay down
By your side
And if you receive your calling before I awake
Could I make it through the night

Hold the phone. So… when you go to sleep next to me, you “often” (OFTEN?!) hope that—just in case I die!—you can still get a good night’s sleep? WHAT! Does talking about “The next life that we live in” and possible death qualify as whispering “sweet nothings?”

Chiara writes: This doesn’t bother me! It’s about being in love, not falling in love. And if they’re sleeping together every night, I assume they’re in a relationship. He’s just having the nighttime anxiety of, “Oh man, what would I do if this person died?” Which is… dramatic, yes. But love makes you dramatic! It would be creepier if this was his opening line, like in “Hello.” This one gets a pass from me!

Fair enough, let’s take a look next at the pivotal song from a popular romantic movie. Everyone loves the love story from Dirty Dancing, right? Here is what Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes sing in the film’s love theme “(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life” played at the film’s climactic scene:

With my body and soul
I want you more than you’ll ever know
So we’ll just let it go
Don’t be afraid to lose control, no

Yes, I know what’s on your mind when you say
“Stay with me tonight” (stay with me)
Just remember
You’re the one thing
I can’t get enough of
So I’ll tell you something
This could be love

Because I’ve had the time of my life
No, I never felt this way before
Yes I swear it’s the truth
And I owe it all to you

The first half of this song is rather vague about what this “time of my life” is exactly: Did the girl lend the guy a few bucks for a sweet concert? Did the bouncer guy let this girl into New York’s hottest club? But, the second-half lyrics (above) clearly suggest a sleepover with little actual sleeping. Not negating that “this could be love,” but just because you “can’t get enough of” someone in that beginning love-fog, is that a good foundation for a relationship?

Chiara writes: Is it a good foundation for a relationship? Who knows, but this singer is taking it one step at a time — “this could be love.” But having the time of your life, and associating it with the other person, seems like a pretty good start!

Jumping ahead a couple decades to more modern love balladeers: Taylor Swift seems to speak to today’s women in her songs. What do we think about the validity of her words in the hit “Blank Space” if taken as advice:

Nice to meet you, where you been?
I could show you incredible things
Magic, madness, heaven, sin
Saw you there and I thought
Oh my God, look at that face
You look like my next mistake
Love’s a game, wanna play?
…
So it’s gonna be forever
Or it’s gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it’s over
If the high was worth the pain
…
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They’ll tell you I’m insane
But I’ve got a blank space, baby
And I’ll write your name

If men or women are okay going into a relationship considering “love’s a game,” why not. But, I think both parties have to feel this way, right? She’s probably right on the 50/50 “forever” or “in flames” chances that it will or won’t work out. Though, are we getting into TMI territory/ self-fulfilling jinxing by divulging a “long list of ex-lovers” who think she’s insane and welcoming this potential suitor to join this list?

Chiara writes: Yeah, keep the long list of ex-lovers to yourself. BUT! I think this is a great, “Whatever, it’s only dating!” strategy. People should be a little more carefree before their first dates — or even before asking someone out for a first date. Could this person be “the one?” Maybe! Could this be a disaster? Maybe! Gotta roll the dice and see.

Okay, back to what brought us here in the first place: “Hello.” While Lionel’s love story is set before a relationship has even begun, Adele’s lament focuses on what seems like the aftermath of one:

Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But I ain’t done much healing
…
Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home

[Full disclosure: I love Adele and she can do no wrong in my eyes.] This song, however, I could take issue with: It’s been “years” and she’s called “a thousand times.” Hmm. I think, at a certain point, your need for closure becomes moot; and borderline obsessive? No matter what you did to break his heart, this guy seems to have moved on. If not with love, then just life. She should probably — to borrow lyrics from another popular song — just “Let It Go.” No?

Chiara writes: Yeah, I really love this song, a lot, but: I’m guessing that after all these years he does not want to meet to go over everything? Onto the next one, bb!

Kudos to the unsung heroes of these tunes, the songwriters:
•“Cherish” by Ronald Bell, James Taylor, Kool & the Gang
•“(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” by John DeNicola, Donald Markowitz and Franke Previte
•“Blank Space” by Taylor Swift, Max Martin, Shellback
•“Hello” by Adele Adkins, Greg Kurstin
•“Hello” all Lionel

Thanks to our love doctor for providing her self-helpful wisdom (read more from Chiara in her book or her play). And thank you for reading this. If you enjoyed it, send us a little ♡ green heart just below, share with a friend and check out this previous story:

More Adele love:

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