Cullen Is Watching the Tumultuous Tapestry of Belief Unravel Into a Chaotic Game of Yahtzee Wherein He Is Somehow Winning by Losing
In these times, I find myself in a place where I can only describe my current state as “wobbly.” Much like the wonderful song by the ever-talented Ezra Furman, I feel unpinned to any label or group, at least in the specific sense, as nobody is free from falling into general categories of thought. This is partly due to my dreadful commitment issues and my tendency to criticize every idea presented, including my own. Yet, I see no reason why I shouldn’t criticize, as it is only then that we can grow if we’re willing to be uncomfortable with whatever conclusion the facts lead us to. Therein lies my desire to know and to know what I know, as to know without knowing why I know what I know is something not worth knowing.
Now, this is not to say that what I know is absolutely correct, as I’m not quite that self-absorbed. Rather, by my own personal standard, what I believe has at least a reason for being believed. If I believe in something but am not fully convinced by my own standard, I will state from the beginning that I do not know for certain but will attempt to give some kind of response for the time being until further study.
To quote Harlan Ellison:
“I will not lie to you, at least I will try not to lie to you. Now if I do and I don’t know that I did it, and you correct me, I’m gonna let you know that you told me I lied, and I’ll stand corrected. If I do it on purpose to lie to you and you catch me at it, I will try to convince you that I did it for your own good or possibly for national security. That one seems to have worked for a great many people. Now if that doesn’t work, I’ll probably whimper and throw myself on your mercy.”
Yet, as stated earlier, while I do not find myself in bed with any particular suitor of thought or label, I am nonetheless within general categories of thought. To remain honest, I will share many, though far from all, of my current stances and affiliations. I am religious, both in that I enjoy the pomp and circumstance of traditional liturgy and find there’s no deeper contemplation found in the hum of a smoke machine, but also in that I am a Saint (a title any follower of Jesus is called — Romans 1:7; 1 Corinthians 1:2; 2 Corinthians 13:13; Colossians 1:26). I don’t align with any particular political party, nor do I believe religion and politics should coexist except in a general moral sense. I think the people in the U.S., particularly evangelicals, are having their religious heartstrings played by those above and have been fooled into doctrinally believing things not required by their religion: capitalism, homosexual hate, and Zionism, to name a few.
My goal is knowledge, and I find it much more desirable to realize that all I hold true is false than to never know what is true. I hope you will join me on this life-long journey (or at least until I don’t feel like keeping you informed in writing anymore) of discovery.
