Ephemeral

Today is difficult, impermanence hanging in the air. What’d we call it, fellow Ellominatis? Ephemeral.

I’d like to think that I feel most alive when everything is going right, but I suspect that it’s something quite the opposite. I’m just trying to meter this grief out over the day, stand under the weight and bear it.

I’m worried that this is just preparing me for the worse grief that is still to come. How does anyone deal with so many losses? He wasn’t even family, just a friend who taught me some stuff on the piano.

I don’t know what to do except clean, and keep cleaning. Where am I under all of this clutter? There’s some dirt and grime covering the first layer of my life, getting down further and further to finding myself again.

Do any of us ever find ourselves?

Asking around to see if anyone needs anything. I need the washer to work, that’s all I can think of. I don’t know what to do with my time.

Called pet store asked if they were looking for part time help. They said they were looking for full time, I offered my number. She asked about my experience and said I could come in for working interview tomorrow. Yay! Maybe some moneys.