4. Beauty is Only Skin Deep
Where it’s from: A proverb written by Sir Thomas Overbury in 1613, “All the carnal beauty of my wife, is but skin deep.”
What it means: Of course we know this one. It’s a disparagement of a wife in an old poem. That her value didn’t extend past her appearance.
To punch it up a bit, it means an individual is the sum of so many different experiences, thoughts, feelings and the likes that judging someone, positively or negatively, based on their physical appearance is both an insult and a mistake.
How it relates: This is one whose meaning is so uninversally supported that there are multiple clichés that share the same moral (ie: Don’t judge a book by its cover). And yet not only is this not always practiced, our entire marketing sector (among others) actively and publicly has taken the opposite stance since what seems like forever.
This is important because judgment, however superficial, affects the confidence (and careers) of millions of Americans. Things like ads with superstars selling high school teens acne medication, bullying, stereotyping, and the constant pressure of popular appeal in general, have a huge effect on development in the US.
It’s common to hear that women lack the confidence to ask for promotions and raises in the office. And that Hollywood hasn’t provided the same medium of relatable escape and fantasy to minorities over the years. Patient care at hospitals even appears to be imbalanced. These events don’t just affect minorities and women, it’s a societal weakness.
Personally, I want to live in a meritocracy. I don’t want the rich kids who can pay for SAT tutors to get everything — black, white or otherwise. And that means these other people, who have the talent and put in the work, need to feel this confidence in themselves and in structural bodies like their schools and HR departments.
But confidence and hope aren’t the only things being trampled. Competence is a by-product of confidence. People need confidence to try. When people stop trying, they slow or stop their learning and end up stagnating for reasons that have nothing to do with what they can and can’t do.
There’s too much potential being lost at all stages of life due to a lack of confidence because we’re judging people for things they can’t change and that don’t impact their ability to be a good worker, friend, or spouse.
Too much potential is lost due to a lack of effort and faith that the effort will pay off. Everyone, when being judged, should try and filter it and take something productive from it. Some morsel that actually does help you get better, and throw out the rest. Give them the benefit of the doubt even, for their lack of life experience.
That’s tough though, especially if you’re actually being shunned for something superficial (eczema, scars, size, citizenship, etc.) and can’t find a way to get past that reality.
People will be assholes because they lack perspective. People at all ages need to learn to handle both sides of this equation. Be fair and balanced in your judgment, and face criticism with an open mind, patience, and integrity.
And if someone doesn’t have logical support for their opinions? Dismiss them entirely. Even if it’s the most successful person in the world, if they’re not judging you based on substance and giving you a measured opinion, then it’s worthless. They’re ignoring the role of luck in their life, and their opinions are probably broadly ill-informed.
Sure, stereotypes can be useful in some instances, like political polling, but everyone still deserves a chance as an individual. So if someone is taking a loud and ignorant stance, feel free to share another perspective with them. Help them dig a layer deeper. It’s unfortunate that this seems to fall on the ‘victims’ but I view thick skin as a prerequisite in life.
It’s necessary to look past improper (and often accidental) phrasing, intonation, text-timing, etc. and live a meaningful life. It’s necessary to have thick skin to be able to look at someone’s face and try and think about the opportunities and experiences that shaped them and their thoughts. And I just think it’s a better ideal to live in a world where you can speak freely and receive the benefit of the doubt and adult discussions, than a world in where you speak in polished platitudes.
If someone’s being an idiot you can try and educate them or move on and focus on the long game. Either way, I think this cliché serves as a reminder that people can be dicks and you should have thick skin to continue focusing on your priorities while filtering criticism effectively.
