Pride at Work: 50 Ways You Can Show Up as an Ally

Illustration of various animals surrounding a tiger with stripes representing the colours of the rainbow Pride flag. From the left, a rabbit with a frog on its head, looking at the tiger, who is looking back. A bird with a crown of feathers is perched on the tiger’s back. A bird with a spoon-like bill stands on the far right. Illustration by Iris Wong.

For the duration of the month of June, we see many organizations, from local businesses to large corporations, show their support for the GSD (Gender and Sexually Diverse) community by celebrating Pride. It’s a time for rainbows, Pride flags, and pithy statements about love and acceptance. For a brief moment in the year, queer folx can feel seen and heard. Despite some companies making a greater effort to tie inclusion to their brand messaging (major kudos to Gillette this year), many still fall short in supporting GSD individuals in a meaningful way. Changing your Twitter avatar to rainbow colours is nice, but true allyship requires action. Further, if an organization is touting support for Pride in their brand messaging but isn’t taking care of their own GSD employees, this kind of support is inauthentic and insincere.

On one hand, there’s been significant progress in moving the dial on workplace discrimination policies, but on the other, we’re seeing that many GSD folx still aren’t comfortable being themselves at work. A new study released by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) Foundation, A Workplace Divided: Understanding the Climate for LGBTQ Workers Nationwide, found that 46% of GSD employees in the United States are not open about their sexuality at work for fear of being stereotyped, making people feel uncomfortable, or losing connections with coworkers. The report presents a conflicting picture: while 80% of non-GSD employees believe no one should have to hide who they are at work, 59% of non-GSD employees said they think it’s unprofessional to talk about sexual orientation and gender identity in the workplace. Even when businesses attempt to provide an inclusive environment, individuals still face the interpersonal risk of bringing their full self to work.

Here’s where allies can step in. There are many ways, great and small, that straight and cis colleagues can help make work a friendlier and more supportive place for GSD individuals year-round. These are just a few:

1. Not sure about someone’s pronouns? Use “they” to be safe, or ask, when appropriate. Even better, start by offering your own when you introduce yourself.
2. Add your pronouns to your work e-mail signature to normalize disclosing pronouns.
3. Accept that you can never know someone’s gender just by looking at them.
4. Correct people when they misgender your trans or non-binary coworker, not just when the coworker is present. In fact, especially when they’re not present.
5. Correct yourself when you misgender someone.
6. Remove gendered language from job postings.
7. Understand that it takes a tremendous amount of energy for GSD individuals to explain terms, definitions, and language.
8. Make an effort to learn up-to-date terminology, and accept that you will probably get things wrong on occasion.
9. Understand that while your Millennial and Gen Z coworkers are typically comfortable using the term “queer” as a catch-all for GSD, many Boomers and older Gen X-ers still view it as a slur. When in doubt, just ask.
10. Recognize that if you have a brain, you have bias. Work to combat that bias, especially as it pertains to hiring practices.
11. Don’t minimize someone’s queerness. Though often well-intentioned, comments like, “I don’t think of you as gay — I just see you as a person” can make a significant part of a GSD person’s identity feel like a footnote, or something better left unsaid.
12. Explicitly communicate employment equity in your workplace policies. Clearly state that every team member and job applicant has a right to equal treatment with respect to employment without regard to sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression.
13. Outline clear anti-discrimination and harassment policies that protect GSD employees from homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia.
14. Speak up when you hear exclusionary, derogatory, or inappropriate comments. Staying silent makes you complicit.
15. Instead of Hey guys, refer to a group of people as team, folks, everyone, y’all, etc.
16. Challenge gendered dress codes.
17. When getting to know coworkers in social settings, be conscious of heteronormative assumptions. Instead of asking a woman, “Do you have a husband?”, ask her, “Do you have a partner?”.
18. Don’t hide any relations you have to someone in the GSD community, such as friends or family members. Talking about your gay brother or transgender cousin the same way that you talk about any family member or friend shows that you value people equally regardless of their identities.
19. Trust GSD folx. When they teach you something, don’t feel the need to go and check for yourself.
20. Understand that one GSD individual doesn’t represent the whole group and is not a stand-in for the entire GSD community. Each person’s experience is unique and generalizations should not be made.
21. Recognize that mainstream media portrayals of GSD people are often exaggerated. Don’t expect your GSD coworkers to be as funny as Neil Patrick Harris or as charming as Laverne Cox.
22. How much of what you are watching/reading/listening to was made by GSD individuals? Balance your bookcase, your Twitter feed, your podcast subscriptions.
23. Share writing by GSD authors.
24. Speak less in meetings today to make space for your GSD colleagues to share their thoughts. If you’re leading the meeting, make sure they are being heard as much as straight, cisgender team members (particularly straight, cis men).
25. If you know a GSD person has been waiting to speak but you’re called on first, cede your time to them.
26. Promote high-performing GSD individuals. Their leadership styles may be different than yours — that might be a good thing!
27. Talk to the manager of a GSD colleague who is doing good work and let their direct supervisor know.
28. If you work in a large organization, encourage and support the formation of a GSD network or resource group so that GSD employees have visible role models and peers.
29. If your colleague attempts to divide the team up by gender for a game, project, etc., ask that they reconsider.
30. Ask for gender-inclusive bathrooms.
31. If multi-stall, single-gender bathrooms are the only option, don’t question which one your trans or non-binary coworker uses.
32. If you see someone whose gender expression confuses you in a bathroom, don’t stare. Just mind your own business. It is a bathroom, after all.
33. If you’re in a management position, make sure the paperwork at your company has third gender markers.
34. In Canada, gender affirmation procedures are covered by provincial healthcare plans. If your company is based in the United States, work to provide your employees with transgender-inclusive health insurance coverage.
35. Do not be overbearing and bombard GSD coworkers with your knowledge of queer theory — just be an advocate for their rights in the workplace.
36. Respect your GSD coworker’s right to privacy. Even if they disclose personal information about their gender identity/gender expression/sexual orientation/etc to you, it doesn’t mean they want everyone else to know.
37. In fact, your GSD coworker doesn’t have to come out to anyone at work at all.
38. Recognize that your bisexual coworker may experience the double bind of never fully feeling accepted by either the GSD community or heteronormative culture.
39. If your workplace celebrates Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, be sure to celebrate non-binary parents as well. Some may celebrate these days while others may feel totally uncomfortable and erased. Check in with your non-binary parent coworker to see what feels best for them.
40. Understand that you may face backlash for being a GSD ally.
41. When a GSD employee leaves your workplace, ask yourself: Did I do everything I could to support them in their role? Or am I part of the reason they’re leaving?
42. Don’t expect the GSD people in your life to explain everything about GSD personhood, rights, and issues to you. Do your own research first.
43. Let your GSD colleagues know that you support them. Explicitly. Regularly. Without expectation.
44. Show up for your GSD coworkers. Participate in community events, volunteer, donate.
45. If you find yourself getting frustrated or upset when someone points out a gaffe or blind spot of yours, step back to listen and self-reflect. If you still don’t understand where they’re coming from, self-educate: read GSD literature, queer theory, or essays and articles about other GSD people’s experiences.
46. Further, take the initiative to look up the questions you have rather than asking for the emotional education and labor of a GSD person.
47. Poet and novelist Audre Lorde once said, “There is no such thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives.” GSD people are Black, Brown, Indigenous, people of color, sex workers, undocumented, immigrants, disabled, poor, incarcerated, elderly, and a number of other marginalized identities. Understand that GSD people come from all backgrounds and life experiences.
48. Don’t assume that this list doesn’t apply to you, a well-intentioned (perhaps even woke) person. Be thoughtful: think about what position of privilege you occupy in the world and how that might make life more difficult for GSD folx every day.
49. Accept that there will always be more to learn.
50. Don’t expect praise for being an ally. Respect for others is a minimum pre-requisite for being human.

(Credit to VICE for these incredibly helpful guides that inspired this list.)

Do you identify as GSD? How have straight, cis colleagues helped make your experience at work more positive? Anything missing from this list? Leave a comment below!

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