How Being a Single Mom Made Me a Better Teacher
By Crystal Morey
Three years into my teaching career, I became a mom and after another four years, I became a single mom. At first, I was ashamed and embarrassed of my single mom status, often hiding behind it for fear of rejection by others. If people knew I was a single mom would they project the many stereotypes of single parenting onto me? Then an office staff member encouraged me to embrace my label. She was a a mom of four, grounded in her religion and in a happy marriage. Smiling, she said “Crystal, you are the only one who can’t see the strength that single moms have. Instead of being ashamed, why don’t you see it as a symbol of strength.” Overnight, I began confronting my internal shame and fear of judgment, and found the grace within my story and the story of so many others.
In time, I began to see the positive impact my new status was having on my career as teacher. Here are some of the ways that embracing myself provided opportunities to be a stronger teacher.
Understand Family Needs
My ability to be patient and supportive of families of trauma dramatically increased. Especially when the families were going through chaotic times and their behaviors were confusing. I remembered the many people who exhibited immense understanding of my up and down emotions and I replicated this understanding with the families with which I worked. Because of this, families started to open up to me; they knew that I was there to listen, not judge. This allowed for much more positive and productive teacher-family relationships.
Learn to Say No
Since becoming a single mom, I can no longer stay a few minutes late at work. I drop off my kids at exactly 7:30 am every morning and I have to be at the bus stop at 3:52 pm in order to pick them up. As such, there are many activities, committees, etc. that I just have to say no to doing. = While sometimes I feel great guilt for my inability to be a part of committees and conversations in our school, practicing being intentional about creating boundaries is extremely important for educators, but the nature of our profession doesn’t always support this need for self-preservation and boundaries. I have clear priorities which dictate my time and I make my time at school productive and efficient.
Recognize the Necessity of Collaboration
My kids are raised by a village. Many people help our family to get them to and from activities, watch them before school, take us on family outings, etc. I am constantly seeking feedback on parenting, admitting my failures, and seeking help and assistance to become a better parent. I have a collaborative team that helps me reflect upon my abilities and succeed as a mom. This bleeds into my work at school, reminding me that many heads are always better than one.
Take Learning Risks
Since becoming a single mother, I have learned how to do all sorts of things. I now change lightbulbs, mow my lawn, hang heavy pictures on the wall, use an electric drill, and soon, I am going to get the courage to barbecue outdoors. As I encounter each of these new experiences, I continue to gain confidence in my ability to take risks to learn new things. At school, I seek such learning opportunities too, and I continue my willingness to be vulnerable as I learn new skills and strategies.
Four years into my single motherhood, I am becoming more and more aware of the courage and strength being a single mother brings to my life. I am incredibly proud of my story, and I see how my path has made me a better person and educator. Single moms, single dads, those struggling with mental health,those who have experienced trauma or pain, or any other number of situations that may feel shameful at first, have unique opportunities to think about how to own their storie and apply the positive benefits rather than the negative implications. Embracing one’s vulnerability and using it to cultivate strength in yourself and others is the best possible way to teach.
Crystal Morey is a Math Instructional Coach at Cedar Valley Elementary School in the Kent School District. She writes about her experiences and reflections as a laureate for the Teaching Channel. She is a mom to two children. She loves to dance and works as a dance fitness instructor for Rizzmic. Tweet her @themathdancer.
