Post #11: Lose-Lose Negotiators
I find the process, act and art of negotiating fascinating. A lot has been written about negotiations and I think its safe to say that despite all of that so many of us underestimate the extent to which we negotiate every day and in so many parts of our lives. As Stuart Diamond one of my favourite thinkers on negotiations writes in his excellent book “Getting More”, “Negotiations is at the heart of human interaction. Every time people interact, there is negotiation going on.”
Most of the advice out there, to grossly simplify, recommends a focus on “interests”. Interpreting, anticipating, and reacting to the psychological process and perspective of other people is a challenge to say the least. This can get overwhelming and overly complicated such that it obfuscates the core of a negotiation — people. This is often also why, particularly once lawyers get involved and legal processes kick-in, each party in a negotiation can tend to entrench into their positions and lose track of interests — including their own.
This is where the worst negotiators show their true colors — I call these“Lose-Lose Negotiators”. These parties can actually forget they are negotiating at all. And, as Diamond writes, “the more important a negotiation is to an individual, the more irrational he or she often becomes.” For these people, whether driven by fear or greed, it is just about winning. That then leads to further entrenchment, again particularly when lawyers are involved and the reactive and protective nature of the law starts to drive the process.
Why do I call these negotiators “Lose-Lose”? Yes sometimes such negotiators do get the better side of the other party and “win”. However the “win” is usually sub-optimal. Such negotiations tend to take much longer and cost more. These negotiators develop a narrow focus around their position and then tend to negotiate against themselves resulting in sub-optimal outcomes. Such negotiators, by failing to engage with the other side, miss opportunities such as trading items of unequal value that would result in a better outcome for themselves, even regardless of the other party.
Lose-lose negotiators also create liabilities. Such a tactic of non-engagement, whether by design or default, creates a high stakes game as a result of the entrenchment and ensuing escalation. Even if they win, through the process of negotiating in such a way to ignore the other party they create a horrible relationship that is then a future liability — who needs that? When such negotiators lose, which usually is the case, they tend to lose really badly. If you’re the opponent you might think “great, I destroyed them”. But the truth is you’ve also created an enemy and liability.
Though I don’t think Obama is a lose-lose negotiator this concept of liabilities makes me think of Obama with regard to Trump and the birther movement. Obama embarrassed the shit out of Trump at the press dinner in 2011 and, knowing how big of an ego Trump has, that probably provided incredible fuel for his campaign. Obama won the birther movement issue, and as ridiculous as that was at even being an issue, perhaps he won it too well, perhaps driven by anger. As a result he contributed to creating a vicious enemy that came back to haunt him.
So this sparks 2 questions:
- Why do people become Lose-Lose negotiators?
- How do you deal with Lose-Lose Negotiators?
I am no expert on negotiations or psychology. However the best answer I’ve come up with for the “why” question is that it is rooted in fear. Usually there tends to be an underlying fear — whether of financial loss, ego, or other. Fear tends to make us turn inward and this seems to jive with the habits of such negotiators.
As for how to deal with them, that is tricky, but basically it boils down to talking and listening. I’m a big fan of Adam Grant and I think his book “Give and Take” is excellent. It provides one solution, which would be to give. That doesn’t mean give in per se but could just mean to at least offer to help. Yet perhaps the Lose-Lose negotiator isn’t listening, again particularly when through the filter of lawyers or other 3rd parties. So sometimes a more overt attempt to open lines of communications is needed to cut through the noise and get back to the human interests.
Asking to talk or giving may seem like vulnerability but the truth is that sometimes you may just need to save a Lose-Lose negotiator from himself in order to succeed.
