9 Ways to Ease Anxiety While Dating

Understanding your anxious attachment style—and what you can do to self-soothe.

I hadn’t heard from him in four days, and my mind was at war with itself.

Negative thoughts were running rampant. Cognitive distortions were tripping me up left and right. I felt overwhelmed with emotion and under siege with worry.

Is he ghosting me? I wondered. I’ll probably never hear from him again, I thought. It’s definitely over, I assumed.

Or at least that’s what it felt like at the time.

In reality, I knew there must be a way out of this spiral—some solution to pull me out of the depths of doubt. I closed my eyes and sat with my discomfort. I turned my focus inward and brought my attention to my breath. The rise and fall of my chest superseded the racing thoughts in my mind. I surrendered.

My nervous system slowed down as a sense of relief washed over me. You are safe, I said to the little one inside. No matter what happens, you are safe here.

When my anxiety kicks into overdrive, my pulse quickens and my breathing becomes shallow. My body clenches and I feel tense. I become one giant ball of stress. All it takes is a simple trigger: An unfavorable reaction, an awkward pause in conversation, or perhaps, as in this case, no response at all. Then…