Diaries of a Taboholic
For those who just can’t close those tabs, you’re not alone.
The first step, so they say, is admitting you have a problem. Well then, my name is Mattan and I’m a Taboholic.
As I’m typing these words, I have dozens of tabs, some more than a week old, opened in a couple of browsers. Among them, email drafts, waiting for the perfect moment to be sent, articles I plan to finish reading later (yet rarely do), random youtube videos, podcasts, and all the rabbit holes I’m spiralling into these days. None of them are particularly important, but somehow I always manage to convince myself otherwise at the moment.
Committing to close any of them afterward becomes a tedious chore I desperately avoid. It’s as if somewhere, among this pile of junk and digital stream of consciousness, hides a golden tab and the Holy Grail with all the answers for life. I used to think this virtual form of hoarding was just my little quirk and it wasn’t until I came out and owned my vice, that I realized how many struggle with the same “condition”.
Tab Life
I guess it’s just another example of the digital world imitating real life. After all, I can’t be completely surprised if my desktop is a reflection of my physical desk, and neither one is particularly tidy. The situation is worse on my phone, with an endless stream of notifications and open tabs, competing for my attention. Right now, I’m constantly tempted to scroll through a passionate group chat debate, as my friends argue on the best ramen joint in town, choose my next online impulse purchase, or just mindlessly stare at Instagram.
Even at work, with a couple of open screens, I can’t seem to get a handle on the matter. The more monitors and devices I use, the more tabs I have open; Always struggling to keep up and close the old, before I open the new. And when I try to find a specific tab, I get lost looking for the needle in the haystack of distractions. A constant race that is hardly conducive to your everyday stressful work environment.
Sure, there are far worse things to worry about, in this stress filled reality, than a few open tabs. It’s easy to laugh off the problem, as I’m somewhat guilty of with this light tone, but it does seem to correlate with many underlying symptoms of our times; An abundance of choice, procrastination, multi-tasking, short attention span, and a nagging reluctance to make decisions, no matter how benign, that makes us hang on to the tab for dear life.
Tells of The Tab
Is just a glimpse at your desktop enough to give you light anxiety? Do you find yourself making up all kinds of original excuses, every time you hear the obvious question: “Why do you have so many tabs”? Are there so many open tabs on your laptop that you need glasses to recognize the icons? Even Google eventually gives up and stumbles under the burden of your tabs?
If the answer to all the above is “No”, then all the power to you; Keep living your tab free life. But if you’re like me, grown people who’ve faced much more complex challenges in life yet still can’t find the cure for this basic plight of our generation, you’re not alone.
Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those self-help wonder blogs, with all the magic tips and secret life hacks. But if all of these sound too familiar, I guess the answer, like in most of life’s challenges, comes from in. I don’t have an easy fix to offer but I can only imagine the key is in recognizing these habits, before we can try to address them.
I Can Quit Whenever I Want
Occasionally, like every addict, I too come to the obvious conclusion that enough is enough; Tab managers can help but they’re not enough to do the trick. In moments of despair I might even decide to quit cold turkey and hit that little X button, in the top-right corner. A weird sense of discomfort and F.O.M.O takes hold as all the tabs, I’ve diligently collected, are crushing in front of my eyes. It is usually followed by the relief that comes with the feeling of a fresh start and the weights lifted off my shoulders.
However, this feeling doesn’t last for long as I quickly fall back on old habits and get right back to where I started. But not longer, It’s time to let go of the old tabs and make room for the new. And if you made it this far in the blog, this probably isn’t the first time you’ve made this promise either; But there’s always room for optimism and hopefully it will be the last, because sooner or later we all have to face life one tab at a time.
