The Internal Resistance Files
How ‘Should’ Makes Us Stupid — And How to Get Smart Again
As soon as we tell ourselves we should be doing something, we turn off the part of our brains that can help us actually do it. Here’s why it happens, and what to do instead.
If you’re not sure if you tend toward a deficit mindset, all you have to do is pay attention to how often you tell yourself you should have already met some external standard of behaviour.
If the optimist thinks the glass is half full and the pessimist thinks the glass is half empty, the person with a deficit mindset thinks they should have done a better job pouring the water. Not to mention, they should have changed the water filter a week ago, been more committed to staying hydrated, and probably learned how to blow their own fucking glassware.
‘Should’ is a canary in the coal mine for the deficit mindset because it captures the two core tendencies involved: 1. measuring ourselves against a receding horizon of idealised expectations, and 2. seeing ourselves as failing to meet those expectations in a way that could, would, should have been avoided, if only we were better. The first rule of the deficit mindset is that there is no excuse for being in deficit.
