Life Is Not Without Struggles and Failures — And That’s Okay
A piece about the seismic waves of life and how to paddle through them
The many outdoor games we played as kids prove that we never really cared about losing or failing until life taught us to. We go back and forth in tripping and dusting off. Trying again was a mere response to not getting the results we initially wanted. As we get older, we strip off the fearlessness we once wore so proudly on our shoulders. We begin to fear the cruelties of life. Failures start to break our hearts. It was not as harmless as it used to be when we were eight.
The struggle phases of life often feel like seismic waves on a personal mission to capsize our boats. We survive one tide after another and realize that there is still more water to paddle through. At one point, the vastness of the ocean will start to feel like an overwhelming discouragement from voyaging through foreign lands — a sign that there is no use in leaving the island we came from.
I am a 22-year-old girl in the limbo stage between graduating college and entering the workforce. I do not have enough badges on my sash to write self-help articles about a secret pipeline to the opposite end of the Earth. In a nutshell, I have no business telling people how to go about their lives. However, I have my fair share of failures and disappointments. My teenage years and early twenties have taught me a lot about accepting hardships and failures as inevitable parts of life. It may not be as appealing as our successes, but they are an essential part of our progression. Failures make us stronger and wiser.
The worst kind of failure is the one that comes unexpectedly — just when you thought you gave it all and deserve a “thank you” from the universe. The thing is, if you fall off your surfboard and hit your head a little too hard on the water, then you should know that it is perfectly fine to feel hurt, especially if you have wounded yourself. There is no reason to pretend that you are okay when you are not. Be upset about your fall as much as you need to because you will never really get over the feeling of defeat unless you give yourself the time to heal. As Robin Sharma wrote in The 5 AM Club,
“Growth happens in recovery, so make time for rest.”
Just take a moment and let yourself float freely on the water for a while. But remember to not stay down for too long because you would not want the waves to catch you.
We usually do not think straight when we are at the extremity of our emotions, which causes us to put ourselves down upon the shock of failure. Once you have cried it all out, it is then time to evaluate — strengths, weaknesses, and areas of improvement. It is not always easy to be honest, especially with ourselves, because we tend to justify our bad habits. I used to procrastinate and cram my responsibilities at the last minute because I felt like I could handle the pressure anyway. What I failed to recognize was that it negatively affected the quality of my work. Self-assessment provides us with direction. Once we recognize who we are — warts and all — it will be easier to navigate which habits we should develop or toss out, sort of like a software update where we fix bugs and add features we realized we needed. Moreover, it is helpful to get insights from trusted friends who can be completely honest about the issues that lie within our blind spots.
Failing slows us down, and trying again is flipping over and continuing where you left off. You may be behind others, but it should not be a problem because after all, island hopping is not a race; it is a relishing voyage of a lifetime. Theseus’ thought experiment on the metaphysics of identity illustrates how difficult it is to answer the question, “Who am I?” We shed our skin, cut our hair, and learn to think differently — time and again. Every day, over 50 billion cells die in the human body and get replaced by new ones. Amy Adkins says that when asked an ambiguous question such as “Who am I?” we should respond with “I am a hero sailing a powerful ship on an epic journey.” So be it.
Some people even question the value of re-trying as it may be a sign that they should switch paths. As Marie Kondo would often ask, “Does it spark joy?” If what you do brings you happiness, then you should see setbacks as nothing but motivators to do better the next time around. Swimmers swallow gallons of water and experience cramps while training, but that never makes them poor performers. If anything, it only makes them better. They learn how to deal with setbacks better and recover faster.
People deal with their failures differently, and it is okay. What is not okay is never fighting the waves and waiting for a miracle to put you ashore. My philosophy professor said that to live a better life, you should never expect anything to be handed to you because then you would not learn the value of working hard and working on yourself. Life can be simply unfair, and you live according to your actions. If you stay where you are after being pushed off your boat, nothing will happen unless you swim.
Life is a vast ocean we venture into, and from time to time, we will have to deal with the waves and strong winds. It is all part of the voyage. Success is a great feeling, but if life were a mere tepid, static water with no room for improvement, then we would never even know the gratifying feeling of it at all. So do not stop — just paddle through.
