On Foreboding Joy

Yemisi Fadiya
Curious
Published in
4 min readJan 10, 2021

--

What you hope for, you also fear - Alice Walker

Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash

Do you fear Joy?

I’d be surprised if you don’t or have never. You might think, why would anyone fear joy? The truth is, in some way or form, we all have, and we still do.

You dread joy whenever you have a good thing, and you begin to question and poison the moment with your worst fears.

Joy is the most vulnerable of all human emotions, and there is always an intense fear of vulnerability. There are a million and one instances where life presents us with an opportunity to be happy and full of bliss, and we forebode those moments or the possibility of those moments with fear, past experiences, and dark imaginations. We are terrified and we hold off on celebrating those unique moments because we think something will come along and sucker-punch us with pain, trauma, or loss.

I have been scared of joy. Sometimes, I am still afraid, and the fear is mostly rooted in the repetition of the past disappointments that have left me sore and bruised. Even at this moment, something good is happening to me. It is as if I have stepped off the edge of a cliff. My heart is in my mouth. My stomach is in knots, and every part of me wants to run in the opposite direction. I feel three strong emotions all braided into the cubicles of my thoughts; hope, excitement, and the…

--

--

Yemisi Fadiya
Curious

I write about personal growth, mental, emotional health, and shared human experiences. My first book, stirredbylife is out on amazon.