One Person Can’t Do the Work of Love for Two
Is your relationship making you lonelier than being alone?
No matter how hard you try or how hard you love, you will never be able to single-handedly save a romantic relationship or make someone love you back. It’s a harsh truth that I once tried to ignore. I layered foolish optimism over past trauma and tried to make lovers love me back with my effort, humor, charm, and will. I tried to be the perfect girlfriend, and so much of my true self went into hiding in the process.
I didn’t feel safe to be the real me. Time and again, I had learned that the real me would only be loved under very particular conditions. I internalized a sense of unworthiness, and I equated hard work and love as if they were one and the same. If I loved someone, I worked harder to show them. I never wanted anyone to feel as unloved as I have felt.
One person can’t do the work of love for two. That’s not a relationship. That’s a person who has been abandoned by their partner — a single person with a relationship status that says otherwise.
There’s little lonelier than being with someone and feeling completely alone. I’d like to tell you that each time I found myself in this situation, I took myself out of it. But I didn’t. Instead, I tried to love harder and be more of what they…
