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Signs You’re a Toxic Partner and How You Can Change
Self-work is the hardest work but worth it.
Do you ever notice how we tend to shift responsibility of a toxic relationship solely to the other person? It’s so easy to think that if we just end this toxic relationship we no longer will have the problems we have or better yet — not attract another toxic partner again. Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why are you attracting toxic partners?
This is a question I asked myself many times in the past. I thought I was destined to be with only broken toxic people because of my childhood. I also thought that if I just stopped this pattern of behavior of falling for a toxic person that I’d someday have a successful healthy relationship.
And in some ways I was right.
Attracting a toxic person in your life is very different from signing up for a toxic relationship. I think people who are naturally empathic and sensitive tend to attract people who are looking for support, advice and nurturance. In a sense, you are a healer.
People feel safe with you so much they naturally gravitate towards you. It’s a gift to be someone people feel safe around but it’s up to you to learn how to use this gift and know your boundaries.
When you find yourself repeating the same cycle of toxic relationships like me you might start to think you need to change.
Toxic relationships tend to look like:
- Hot and cold connection, i.e. cycles of being together & breaking up
- Controlling behaviors
- Silent treatment, ignoring and punishing one another
- Constant giving and no receiving
- Lack of trust
- Lack of support
- Enabling & engaging in this cycle
- Judgment and not feeling safe to share your feelings/thoughts
- Insecurity
- Persistent unhappiness or lack of joy
- Feeling sad, angry or anxious frequently
- Avoiding conflict resolution and not addressing problems in the relationship
- Constant complaints and no positive feedback
