Stop Worrying — 3 Techniques to Conquer Anxiety
Stop Worrying and Start Achieving: With three empirically certified and practical techniques.
∘ Self-Help Guide
· 3 Methods To Stop Worrying And Start Living:
∘ 1. SOCS Method:
∘ 2. Don’t Govern the Ungovernable:
∘ 3. The Self Talk:Frankly speaking (actually writing), I have been a worrier most of my life. Genetics or my surrounding environment might have contributed to it.
When I reached adulthood I found that others didn’t seem to worry as much as me and that they seemed a lot more relaxed and in control of their lives. I also realized that I didn’t want to worry anymore as it was doing more harm than good so I watched a lot of podcasts, read some books, articles and tried a few of my own ideas.
And after a year of research and experimentation, I came across three of the most significant methods that helped me conquer my worrying habit.
3 Methods to Stop Worrying and Start Living:
1. SOCS Method:
The first time I came across this method was when I was reading “Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman”. Self-Science schools use this method to help children learn how to deal with any situation possible.
And the next time I encountered this method while reading “How to stop worrying and start living”. Dale Carnegie (writer of the book) didn’t use the word SOCS, but the steps are pretty much similar, so I believe that his method is just a reflection of the SOCS method.
The method is self-explanatory once you know the full form of SOCS:
S: Situation
O: Options
C: Consequences
S: Solution
- Step 1: Whenever a difficult situation arises, take a notebook and write down the situation.
- Step 2: In front of that situation enlist all the options or ideas to tackle the situation.
- Step 3: Once we complete step 2, write the consequences of all the options listed in the notebook.
- Step 4: The easiest step, analyze the consequences and see which option is the most suitable and beneficial for you.
You might think isn’t that the intuitive way that we use to solve all our problems. Yes! We do. But the problem is that we do that in our minds.
But the magic of this method is that you have to have a notebook (something to write on and to write with). Because once you have listed all your options, all possible consequences, you can easily trace back to any step of that whole SOCS hierarchy.
But trying to do all these steps in our mind might not allow us to process all these options and execute a thorough analysis.
Cause that’s a lot of work i.e., tracing back to different stages of problems and comparison of results. And before we know it an infinite loop of worrying and overthinking will consume us.
Only because we tried to do all that in your head. The point here is to run an in-depth analysis of our situation and if you can do that in your mind. Great!
But if you are like me and are more comfortable analyzing things listed in front of you, then this method will do miracles for you, as it did for me.
The first time I read this method I was worrying about my Final Year Project (FYP) group. Even when I was involved in other activities, I was continuously thinking about it. Ruining even the good parts of my daily life.
As I read this topic, I thought to myself there is no way that writing and analyzing the facts about my situation is going to change anything. But no matter how many times I processed the situation in my mind, I was still worried about it. Hence, with no other option left, I decided to give it a shot.
To my disbelief, after using this method, I completely stopped worrying about it. And whenever the thought of FYP group crossed my mind, I was completely calm because I knew that I have listed all possible options, choose the best one and there is nothing more that I can do except taking one step at a time toward that solution.
And guess what? Just a few days later an FYP group of my class approached me and asked me to join their group. And this wasn’t even one of the options I listed in my notebook. But if it wasn’t for these lines, I would have worried myself sick in those few days, and for what?
Even if that group hadn’t had approached me, I would still be working on my best possible solution. So, what is there to worry about when you are doing what you can.
Note that the problem will remain after you will use this method but now you will feel in control of the situation and that is where you will recognize your strength, which will do wonders for you.
2. Don’t Govern the Ungovernable:
This might also seem like a pretty obvious thing but as Paulo Coelho said:
“It’s the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary.”
For example, assume your goal is to lose 10kg in the next three months. To accomplish this, you can build a daily exercise routine, modify your diet, and some other practical solutions. These are all the things that are most likely in your control.
So, what’s not in your control? It is losing 10kg in the next three months. Because there could be a lot of uncertainties, risks, and variables that we don’t even know about and are uncontrollable. As human beings, we all have limitations and all we can do is give our best shot and try to get past those limitations.
Our nearest and dearest are the ones that we care about the most. But we know that one day they will leave us in this life or vice versa. Even if nothing can separate us from them, then death will. So then why don’t we just focus on the fact that and one day we will have to live without them?
Because that would be absurd, right? Why should we waste all our time worrying while we can create beautiful moments and make the best out of the time that we have with them?
So, if we can make peace with the fact that our loved ones will leave us sooner or later, then shouldn’t we extend this concept to other uncontrollable situations? Shouldn’t we accept the fact that there are things that are inevitable and we just have to cooperate with them?
Hence, it is important to accept and make peace with the fact that some things are not in our control and we should consciously focus on what is in our control rather than what is ungovernable. Because that is the area where we feel in control, stop worrying, and start working.
3. The Self Talk:
As I was reading through “Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman” I came across an amazing example of salesmen. The author mentioned two types of salesmen who had opposite outlooks whenever they got rejected by a customer.
First, let’s talk about the one with a pessimistic mindset. Whenever this person got a rejection, he thought to himself that there is something wrong with him, maybe he is not good enough for this job or less gifted than others, and the spiral goes on and on. In other words, this person tethered this failure with his self-esteem even when there is no need to do so. The salesman with this attitude usually left their job within the first year.
But when an optimistic person failed to make a sale, he asked himself some important, critical, and logical questions instead of letting his emotions overwhelm him. He asked himself, What are the mistakes that I made? How can I improve them during my next sale? Maybe Customer had a bad day and wasn’t in the mode to talk to anyone.
That’s how an optimistic person analyzes a situation. Instead of questioning his ability, he critically analyzes the situation, modifies his approach, and keeps moving forward.
Let me quote another example from my own life. I usually sit on the parapet wall (boundary wall) of the second floor in my hostel and let my mind wander. On one side there is a floor just a few inches below my feet and on the other side, there is ground level at 20 feet depth. While sitting on that boundary wall I realized that the more I looked at that 20 ft deep trench the more my fear grew and as soon as I looked away at the other side all my fear began to vanish.
Our entire life is like sitting on that boundary wall. Those two sides are like good and bad things that happen in our life. If we choose to focus on bad things we will worry more, work less and become more anxious. Similarly, if we focus on positive things it will bring calm, peace, and happiness back to us.
I am not saying to completely banish the concept that there will be bad days and events in our life. I am just saying you should be concerned about those things, not worried. Like all the other strategies this one is also not going to magically disappear all your problems but the truth of the matter is that as we grow, we will face bigger challenges and all we will ever need is to remain calm and 80 percent of the time situation will unfold itself without any extra effort.
And for the rest of 20 percent cases, you will do the best that you could and will not torcher yourself into a vicious cycle of worrying.
Final Thoughts
Worrying is a habit and habits can be learned and unlearned, I believe that these 3 methods could be a stepping stone for you in breaking this bad habit. What worry can do to your body and mind is very treacherous, it is solely your responsibility to equip yourself with the tools that will break this habit.
Abigail Van Buren puts it,
“A bad habit never disappears miraculously, it’s an undo-it-yourself project.”
