The Emotions of Change
“Change is the only constant” — Heraclitus
Before attending university in the Netherlands, I was meant to study in South Africa. I was excited to be returning to my roots, and I was ready to welcome Stellenbosch and begin this brand new adventure. About 1 month before I would be leaving, my parents made the decision to not send me there. The riots in the university were becoming dangerous and the degree itself was becoming worthless with a pass-mark of only 32 percent. And so, I was faced with change. No more Stellenbosch. Now what? It was too late to apply to other universities, I had also done no research as to where else I could study. I was very clearly not in control of this situation.
We sometimes consciously or unconsciously resist change. Not because it will lead to something bad, but just because we are creatures of habit. Even in positive changes, there’s always an element of self-doubt and uncertainty. But change can be a good thing, a blessing in disguise. We just need the tools to view it as such. When a change is out of our control, people tend to react with a combination of two coping mechanisms: escape coping and control coping.
The former tends to take on a more avoidance style approach. This is when you take deliberate actions to avoid easing the change process. If a big change is going on at work, you may start to use your sick leave in order to avoid the office or you may show the intention of quitting the job entirely. For me, I cried for 2 days and tried to convince my parents to let me go to my dream university. Alternatively, you may deal with change through control coping. In this instance, you’re more likely to have a positive and proactive approach to change. In other words, you do whatever you can to be apart of the change. It took some time, but I eventually began researching my options. I called my friends and assessed their situations and their universities. I got an internship to keep me busy for the upcoming year and made some achievable goals so I felt that I hadn’t wasted my year away form education. This reaction may not happen immediately, but hopefully, you’ll be able to reach this stage and come to terms with the changes in your life.
So what factors decide how you react to change? If it’s a change out of the blue, like a mass layoff or being told you can’t go to a university how do you cope? It all comes down to how we appraise the situation. What are our emotions telling us? Initially, change often leads to shock and disorientation. Feelings of confusion and uncertainty are completely normal, it’s important during this stage to gather all the information available before making an informed decision. Trying to remain positive is integral, and something that organizational psychologists suggest doing is a SWOT analysis. What are your personal strengths and weaknesses? What opportunities could come from this change and what kind of threats do you face? I didn’t follow this entirely, but I used my strength, which is my positivity, to only focus on the opportunities that could arise from NOT going to Stellenbosch. Experiencing a different culture in Europe, being closer to my family, having some friends already in the Netherlands, being able to study Psychology, Anthropology, Business, and more all under the same roof. These were all factors that helped me to the next stage of coping with change: acceptance.
Sooner or later, you have to come to terms with the change. Even if you reject what is happening, that in itself is a changing paradigm. You have to have an open mind towards change and you need to commit, but this doesn’t mean you have to suppress your emotions. Switching between optimism and pessimism may actually help you to manage your expectations. Acknowledge the way you feel and maybe share them with someone who you can trust. Commitment will lead to acceptance, and once you have accepted the change, accepting your new norm, you’ll be able to move forward. Don’t worry though, you won’t entirely give-up your previous situation. You might have memories or relationships or even life lessons that you bring with you, but the point is, you’re moving forward!
So if you’re going through a change right now, I feel for you. A lot of people are having to make decisions that will lead to big changes. Especially in these 2020 Covid infested times. Just know, the change may be out of your control, but your own reaction is in your control. How you appraise the situation will influence how you cope with change. It’s nice to think you would react positively but sometimes you won’t, and that's okay! Take some time to think about what's happening and re-appraise it again when you can. Be kind to yourself and your situation, you’ll adapt and hopefully even thrive.
Thanks for reading x
References:
Fugate, M., Kiniki, A. J., & Prussia, G. E. (2008). Employee Coping with Organizational Change: an Examination of Alternative Theoretical Perspectives and Models. Personnel Psychology, 61, 1–36.
Jacobs, G., Witteloostuijn, A. v., & Christe‐Zeyse, J. (2013). A Theoretical Framework of Organizational Change. Journal of Organizational Change Management.
Rosow, J. M. (1974). The Worker and the Job: Coping with Change. New Jersey: The American Assembly.
