The Most Important Lesson in Self-Care.
Spoiler: It has nothing to do with bath bombs.
You just put your car in park. It’s been the usual 8 hours in the office but today feels different. You feel drained, under appreciated and hopeless. You turn to the right and you see your toddler at the window, waving in excitement because you’ve arrived!
Here, you’re faced with a decision. Do you walk into your home with the dark energy that has clung itself to your work attire like piano bar cigarette smoke? Or do you shake it off and positively influence the room you’re about to walk into. Will you meet your family with patience and enthusiasm?
As people, we are constantly changing spaces. Setting your intention(s) before walking into a new space can prove to be beneficial. The wonderful motivational speaker Brendan Buchard has a great meditation you can do to help “release tension and set intention” as he puts it.
You will soon discover however, that this practice is only a fraction of the concept introduced here today.
Energy control is simply being aware of and dealing with the energies that affect you, your mood and your life.
This concept, what I think is the most important lesson in self-care is something I like to call Energy Control.
Energy control is something I love sharing with my clients. It has proven to be an integral part of my day and not just work as a life coach. It is a culmination of techniques I have learned over time and when used together the results are astounding. They’re also fairly simple to achieve considering there aren’t any “serious” issues to deal with. But even then, with hard work comes big, positive change.
Energy control is simply being aware of and dealing with the negative energies that affect you, your mood and your life. We tackle these notions from three distinct and familiar angles which are: the past, present and future.
The Past
In our daily battles with negative energy we must give ourselves as much of a fighting chance as possible. One way we can gain this edge is with a clean start. A solid foundation to build upon.
Creating this foundation requires us to rid ourselves of anything that may be draining our energy that lives in the past. This may be an argument we had with a loved one last week, or year. It may be a messy break-up. It could even be owing a friend twenty dollars that you’ve forgotten about.
A mentor of mine says to imagine these instances as energy-draining cords that are attached to us. It’s time to cut these cords. I recommend making a phone call or meeting up if possible and clearing the air around whatever had happened.
Sometimes, the hardest part of these clearings is relying on someone else to grant you forgiveness. Fortunately, this is NOT our objective here. We are simply going to say what it is we have to say in a compassionate and understanding manner and we will not allow anyone else’s reactions stray us from the goal. The goal of clearing our “chests” and speaking to what is still draining us. This is how we cut the cord and move on to dealing with the present.
Tip: It helps to remind yourself that only the now is real. The past does not exist.
The Present
The present moment is my absolute favorite because it is a time we have the most control over. We hold the present in our hands. It is up to us to treat it with respect.
How can a person energy control the present moment? I would say to begin with your thoughts.
One Headspace app analogy I often use is that of the sidewalk and cars. Our thoughts are like vehicles on a road constantly showing up and going away. In meditation it is important to step away from the road and be spectator from the sidewalk. Notice your thoughts. Acknowledge them, and then let them go.
This visualization is a strong tool we can use to gain instant awareness of what’s happening in our minds. The energy control part is to now be able to pick out the negative thoughts and counterbalance them with more positive thoughts. Like three times more!
Notice I did not say to replace them. Negative thoughts will occur, it’s in our nature and it would be ineffective and downright exhausting to try to fight them.
So for every negative thought you spot, think three positive things. One example of this can look like:
Negative thought: “I’m not going to finish this project in time. I always do this to myself!”
Positive counter-thoughts: Even if my time management skills could use some help, I’m actually really good at what I do. I’ve earned and deserve my position and I love where I work!
As you can see, this practice is a loving way to combat the dreaded inner self critic that we carry around with us as well. Use it often.
The Future Marty!
If I had a time-hopping DeLorean, I would test this next part out for you. Since I don’t, know it is purely subjective information, but worth the read.
Can we hinder future negativity?
We spoke of past events and current thoughts. I want to give you an area that you can begin to work on to prevent any future drainage of positivity — that area is people.
The people you find around you can have a negative impact on your positivity if you are not careful — your positivity must be protected at all costs.
The first step in energy control when it comes to people is to start with your virtual world. This will ease you into taking back your power as it is less difficult to mute, unfollow or even block these negative influences online.
I’m not one for subtraction only. We now need to add in the positive. Just the way we counter balance our thoughts, I’d like for you to start following accounts on social media that make you happy. Less bad, more good! Try these: Tank’s Good News, NatGeo, Lewis Howes and me!
Use the same formula in real life when you’re comfortable. It won’t be as easy as pressing a button on your phone but begin to notice who in your life drags you down and start making adjustments. For every negative being in your life that you either remove or decide to keep, add new positive ones.
Some of the most negative people I have to deal with are family members.(raise your hand if you can relate!) I can’t really just cut these individuals out of my life. My power however, lies in how much time I spend with them and more importantly how much I allow their views and judgements to affect me.
Your positivity is precious. Your moments are fleeting. You deserve this.
