This Is What It Feels Like When You Completely Give Up
And how to start again.
When I was 19, I decided to quit.
Quit what, exactly?
Everything.
I dropped out of college. I quit my job. I stopped talking to my family. I resigned from all the clubs I was in. I broke up with the guy I was dating. (Okay, he broke up with me.)
I called up one of my best friends and cussed her out.
For two weeks, I basically squatted in a drug dealer’s house, in a room with no furniture besides an old mattress someone had left. He let me stay as long as I wanted, for just a hundred bucks.
Here’s what all that taught me:
Anyone can give up.
Back in high school, I put up a facade. I was a prep on the outside, goth on the inside. I made straight A’s and had the kind of test scores your parents brag about. My friends all thought I was going to an Ivy League. Then a series of unfortunate events happened.
My mom’s mental health got worse. She turned violent. She bankrupted my family with credit card debt. Every day for years, I thought she was going to kill us all in our sleep.
