Whatever You Say You Are — You’re Probably Not
Why we should stop telling and start showing people how good we are
“Trust me”. Has there ever been a phrase which rang alarm bells more in the history of people other than maybe “How hard can this be?”? The request for trust based on no other data is something that should send shivers down our spine. When someone says this to you your natural reaction should be to ask for some rationale or evidence that trust is warranted. Yes, positive relationships are built on trust — but that trust is built on experience.
It’s part of a wider problem with the way we talk about ourselves and each other which I call the internet dating problem. Anyone who has put themselves through the crushing ringer that is internet dating knows how soulless reducing themselves and their wants to a shopping list of attributes is. We all want to believe that we’re honest, trustworthy, caring, funny etc. But the reality is these words are meaningless on their own. One thing I’ve learned in life is we say the things we want to be rather than the reality of we are. When someone comes out within the opening exchange and tells me they possess an attribute my experience is usually they’re trying to convince themselves.
I once had a partner who said “I usually really good with money” as I was trying to explain to her exactly why the compound interest…
