The black sludge you guzzle every day, its price fluctuates and markets go asunder. No, I’m not talking about a steamy cup of joe. We are discussing oil, or crude. And believe me, its called “crude” for a reason.
Cries on both sides of the aisle either call for the immediate completion of the Keystone XL pipeline to “create jobs and ensure national security” or cite environmental concerns. Don’t listen to your congressmen. A bigger game is at play, one that spans from the sands of Mesopotamia to the basin of Alberta.
Last week I sat at a franchised fast food joint with a friend of mine. Let’s call this friend, Sal. Sal was enjoying a hearty burger he purchased with a police discount. I brought my lunch in a BPA free plastic bag: a baked potato from my garden free of all mind control additives (Yellow No. 5, Aspartame, Sodium Nitrate to name a few). He was rapt and attentive as I told him that both Western Canada and Mesopotamia have vast oil reserves. He looked shocked when I said this. I’m positive his neurons were firing, struggling to make the connection. The thing to really understand is the type of oil in Alberta. It is called oil sands. A school child might posit “Oil? Yes okay, I guess cold places can have oil too, but sand? Where else has sand? I think teacher said Mesopotamia has sand.” Bingo, kid. When I mentioned oil sands to Sal, the ball dropped.
What are these two places doing with both oil and sand? Both are in a constant state of debate, where is the underlying connection? Sal picked up his big drink and began to suck high fructose corn controller. As his straw clinked against the ice, it hit me. Tubes, I thought. Just like a straw, an oil pipeline is a tube…its a kind of really large straw. Just then I made the second connection. I looked at the half used salt packet on his tray. Salt is kind of like sand that you can eat. Sand AND oil are more than enough to substantiate the two threads of connection theory. The Keystone XL pipeline isn’t being used to transport oil, its being used to transport sand! A sort of terraforming, like on Mars but instead its bisecting the entire United States. But what for?
As I have stated before, Mesopotamia has sand, and lots of it. ISIS operates in this sandy clime. Through black markets they are selling their oil, but their stigmatization has left them with few buyers. They can’t receive cash, so they are receiving the next best thing, sand. They have made a nefarious contract with Washington: Oil for sand. Once the pipeline is build, huge amounts of sand will be flowing from Alberta to America’s heartland, turning pristine prairie into desert. And with the desert comes the militants. As is well known, ISIS are the hybrid descendants of a warlike space faring race called the Nagiz Raa. They can only thrive in an arid environment lest their oxygen exchanging spores harbor mold. This influx of sand will destroy trees, depress ground water, and ultimately leave the American Mid-West indistinguishable from the dunes surrounding the Tigris and Euphrates. As the soil wilts, the Nagiz Raa will rise.
