The Sound of the Suburbs

Western Australia

Currambine

The absurd, forehead wrinkling, wincing expression people pull when running through a rain shower as though they are in pain.

Parmelia

The really interested, ego-stroking voice you use when asking the host for a recipe you know you will never ever get round to making.

Wungong

The disappointment that hits upon making your first trip to the chocolate box, when you discover all the caramels and fudges have vaporised.

Dianella

The violent thoughts you have when you are desperate for a meeting to close and that person keeps asking questions that are only relevant to their role.

Tapping

The fake, preparatory, grin movements you make when getting yourself ready to react appropriately to the punchline of a joke that everyone is desperate to be over.

Balcatta

To use the watertight fall back of your children to get away early from a social event you don’t really want to be at.

Karrakatta

The collection of fake, accepting nods and ‘sure no problems’ you do when someone is giving you a Balcatta and you don’t believe a word of it.

Pinjarra

The raging pen hurl that you do when you are trying to take an urgent note and said pen is refusing to offer any ink whatsoever and just scoring the paper like an ice skating spin.

Yanchep

The aimless path of that random walk you complete around your house when on a phone call.

Yanchep Park

Incorporating a minor, house tidying manoeuvre into the Yanchep by returning an item to a draw or shelf.

Nowergup

The building fury involved when attempting to stretch a bin liner that is slightly too small for the kitchen trash can.

Winthrop

The sense of disappointment towards the end of the evening when you realise that once again you didn’t do the creative project you intended, but watched crap TV instead.

Yokine

The sudden realisation that you are boring yourself when telling an anecdote, hence the emerging creeping doubt about whether your audience is still with you.

Mundaring

Taking items out to the wheelie bin at night, while nude.

Gabbadah

Awkward moment in a group when someone has just enthusiastically raised a point that bears no relation to the subject being discussed.

Gidgegannup

An earnest, impressive comment you deliberately make a quarter of the way into a long meeting to convince attendees you are focused and listening, so that you can then safely spend the remainder daydreaming without attracting suspicion.

Palmyra

Feeling of relief you have the first night of returning to your own bed after a week in one that was poor.

Hocking

Absurdly violent reaction you have after swallowing a fly while running.

Coolbellup

Someone who will only buy a product if it is listed in a Choice magazine top ten.

Bickley

The awful realisation you get arriving at an event such as a wedding or christening, that the temperature in the room is going to mean you will be soon be absolutely melting under the formal attire.

Viveash

Pointless, scathing remark you make to your partner to bring them down to the bad mood you are in.

Yeal

The unique swearing rant you make when, despite forwarding previous correspondence appropriately, you continue to have to pull out of your mailbox every month an obscure clothing store newsletter for someone who lived in your house 5 years ago.

Darch

The wincing, preparatory pulling back motion you do when the colleague with the voice that could strip paint is about to talk in your ear at the latter stages of the Christmas party.

Perry Lakes

The odd boy at school you forgot about until years later, when you saw in the local paper that he was caught stealing underwear off a clothes line.

Noranda

An awful veranda.

Singleton

The one person that cannot stop writing aggressive kitchen notes at work telling people off in a parental style.

Kondinin

Anything that is mysterious and gets you pondering, such as why there is sometimes a solitary boot in the middle of the freeway.