3 #majorkeys that will help moms grow in tech

If you haven’t already, meet DJ Khaled. Producer, radio host, DJ, record exec, and all around winner. Recently upped his fame factor with amazing Snapchats about how to succeed when people don’t want you to. He references the uber “They” for everything:

So how do you succeed as a working mom of young kids when a new job, the startup rollercoaster, and sleep deprivation are against you? Those 3 factors are what don’t want me to win.

In tech, we’re witnessing the beginning of the turnaround. I think many companies do want women, including moms, to win and stay in tech. While there’s a lot of progress to be made, I see a heightened awareness about the lack of diversity which led many companies to wake up and make moves to diversify their teams.

Another good sign: Personally, I haven’t been held back for being a woman and a mom. I’ve never missed out on an opportunity due to my life stage, and I realize not a lot of women feel this way. How am I having my proverbial cake and eating it, too? It comes down to three things. Here’s my advice on the recipe for success:

1 — Choose your companies with the same care you chose your life partner. Like it or not, you’re in a relationship with your company. If you have a life partner, think about how you chose them. If you’re like most, it was a process, and eventually you realized that this person was everything you wanted and needed. The need part is important.

When choosing your company, know what you need as a young mom. You need a leadership team who is supportive of women in tech. You need flexibility for your modified schedule. You need the right benefits package to see you through having children. How do you figure out if a company will meet your needs?

You have three things at your disposal: Their website, your interviews, and your network.

For the website, look at the leadership page. When I was recently recently recruited for a VP, Marketing job, I went to their leadership page — not a woman in sight. It said something. I dug deeper. If there is a maternity policy, the company probably advertises it on the careers page — check. Don’t see it? Keep digging deeper.

During the interview, go with the focus of wowing them into wanting to offer you the job. Place your needs as secondary. When they make an offer, dig in on culture. This has them in the position of wanting you, and you in the position of accepting based on their answers. It makes them sell you a bill of goods that you can hold them to.

Ask if people are constantly connected, how they address burnout, if a flexible work schedule is acceptable, etc. If you don’t get the confidence you need here, go through your network and find someone who knows someone who works there so you can get a backchannel reference on the company culture.

2 — Work harder and smarter than most. Hard work is pretty clear. Stay focused and highly productive. Commit to the quality and quantity of your work as compared to your peers — make it better. Push yourself to do better. Help others around you with their work — but here’s where the smart work comes in. Only help others when it’s going to lead to visibility for you. That sound horrible, but I saw the light when I read Sheryl Sandberg’s article “Madam C.E.O.: Get me a Coffee.” She talks about how office housework falls to women, preventing them from focusing on higher impact activities.

I realized one of my greatest strengths and downfalls is my spirit of volunteerism. If someone had a problem, I wanted to help solve it. Sometimes that problem was where to order lunch for the team, or what decorations we should get for a party, etc. Those office housework tasks are thankless, and get you nothing. Expect to be asked to help the next time a thankless job comes up.

I came up with a concept of strategic volunteerism in the office. I started to monitor what I was doing, and would only do a thankless task if men and women were doing it equally. Otherwise, nope. Seems very calculated now that I write it out, which it is. No hiding it now!

3 — Get your energy back. After my second child, I changed jobs to work at Drift. My career dreams came true: I always wanted to experience start-up culture, the product vision is off the charts amazing, and the founding team cares about making tech family-friendly and improving diversity.

As I started to take on the biggest role of my career, my recent life change caught up with me. I had no idea how tired I was, but months of sleepless nights added up, and I started to feel off my game. My brain wasn’t moving as fast as it used to. Further, startup life is a rollercoaster. I’m listening to Ben Horowitz’ “The Hard Thing About Hard Things” and he quotes a conversation with Marc Andreessen:

Marc: “Do you know the best thing about startups?”

Ben: “What?”

Marc: “You only ever experience two emotions: euphoria and terror. And I find that lack of sleep enhances them both.”

Euphoria and terror are true. But, lack of sleep enhancing them is batshit crazy. You need energy to manage the rollercoaster.

Something needed to change so I could get back my brain, and have more energy for the ride.

People think sleep is the answer to exhaustion. The stats say 8 hours is optimal, and less than 5 is where the train comes off the tracks. I was getting an hour here or there, maybe 5 tops, but interrupted. Kids are on their own schedule. Getting more sleep wasn’t happening, so I focused on what I could control: exercise and diet.

I never thought I’d see the day that I’d be getting up at 5am to work out. But you know what? I needed energy, and exercise gives you energy. And there was no other time I could do it. If you’re like me, from the point the baby and toddler(s) wake up, you are ON until they go to bed. It’s madness from getting them dressed to out the door to get to work to work to get home to cook to play to bed. And then there is nothing left. The tank is empty.

The point is — I mustered the energy to get up at 5, and within 2 workouts, I was seeing the energy benefit.

For me, and maybe for you, the keys to this recipe are these three ingredients:

1. Supportive companies
2. Working hard & smart
3. Getting your energy back

It’s a three-legged stool. You take out one leg, and you crash.

As the great DJ Khaled said, “the key is to have every key.” #majorkey