Perfectionism “is the unreasonable and self-defeating ambition of getting something absolutely right”, per The School of Life.
At its worst, perfectionism causes one to idealize, which is often an unrealistic exercise. Being so, it can lead to self-esteem issues from the inability to really nail something.
On the flip side, perfectionism can be a motivating force for good. It can push you to do your best, resulting in work that’s come of the ultimate effort and care.
Perfectionism’s maladaptive form is more widespread today among younger generations. It’s been tied to a slew of problems including depression, OCD and self-harm.
If you’re a perfectionist, you’re not fated to suffer. But studies suggest it’s more likely than not.
Take Gustave Flaubert, famous for penning one of the 19th century’s greatest works, Madame Bovary. Flaubert was known for “his relentless and agonizing search for le mot juste, the exact word, [which] has made him the icon for the pursuit of literary perfection in the eyes of writers ever after.”
But it’s not as poetic as it sounds.
Flaubert labored day and night. He allegedly could only squeak out a mere two corrections over 72 hours, and spent another five days bleeding just one page. His hours were long and tortuous and often yielded little to nothing.
It’s no surprise then that it took Flaubert five years to bring out his masterpiece.
Perfectionism drove Flaubert to obsession with his writing. He was inhibited by thoughts of inadequacy and fears of a final product that didn’t quite align with his unspoiled, transcendent vision.
Still, that very mindset earned him the enduring praise of other literary giants.
Henry James said, “Madame Bovary has a perfection that not only stamps it, but that makes it stand almost alone: it holds itself with such a supreme unapproachable assurance as both excites and defies judgment.”
Not bad for a debut (Madame Bovary was Flaubert’s first novel).
Claude Monet is another example. Was he a victim of perfectionism? In his words, “Whoever claims to have finished a canvas is terribly arrogant.” And: “No one but myself knows the anxiety I go through and the trouble I give myself to finish paintings which do not satisfy me.”
He too was enslaved to the utmost refinement of his work.
But Monet is Monet. His name rings bells around the world and his exhibitions sell out fast.
For us as fans now, it’s unimportant that he toiled, even discarding canvasses out of rage. Clearly he was tormented by the need to inhabit an idyll. In his time, the struggle was real.
Who can say if perfectionism is worth it. If your name’s etched in history, it just might be. It is, after all, what separates those who overachieve (an artistic merit?) from those who don’t.
But research leans us towards a resounding NO. Perfectionism is not worth it.
A perfectionist’s standards are outrageously high, perhaps not even of this realm. Their approach to life can be polarizing. Planned a picnic in the park but forgot the mat? Forget the entire outing. It’s ruined.
Procrastination is a biggie. Perfectionists tend to put off things, worrying about the risk of not completing them in expert fashion. Perfectionists are more comfortable with manageable tasks. If it’s relatively straightforward and they view it as achievable, it’s dealt with.
A more serious danger is that of self-hate and, in extreme cases, suicide. Perfectionists are their own worst critics. They go out of their way to find fault with themselves — be it their appearance, their performance, or their value to society.
Every window of opportunity is a cliff’s edge from which to tumble.
Perfectionists have a defeatist attitude, one that even defies truth. They might be more than qualified but actually believe the opposite. Their psychology’s been made up: failure is never far from their hearts.
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel for perfectionists?
Actually, yes.
Being realistic is integral. Understand that nobody and nothing is perfect. Tolerate the inevitability of defeat. Even of mediocrity. That’s huge if you’re looking for a coping mechanism. It starts within you.
Getting out and surrounding yourself with a solid support group is also beneficial. Allow yourself to accept the opinions of others.
While you aren’t alone as a perfectionist, you surely don’t represent all of us. There are people who are very, very accomplished realists. They’re firm in their perspective that to err is human.
As a former perfectionist myself (and still on the path to learning self-forgiveness), I force myself to pause and breathe. I realize that everything posing to be perfect is simply that: posing.
That shouldn’t keep you from doing anything.
