After I left University, I struggled to get a job. There was a recession or something going on. I sent many job applications. I was so excited and happy when I was offered my first job. It required a lengthy commute by two trains, a bus and a long walk through a not so nice neighborhood, but I figured I would adapt because, finally, after all my hard work, I had a software development job!
On the day I started, the boss told me that he could not give me development work because I wouldn’t be able to handle it so I was doing data entry. I felt so bad. He had not even given me a chance. I was not very confident to start with. I didn’t believe in myself.
It was depressing because I worked hard to get a degree and I was still studying only to find myself doing boring, repetitive work that required very little skill but I stuck to it. I worked hard in hopes that he would see what a good worker I was and give me development work.
The last bus was not long after quitting time so I need to run for it to avoid a much longer walk in the dark through bad areas. After I had been there a few days, one of the other employees took me aside and told me that we were unofficially required to work much longer than the set hours. We were also expected to eat lunch at our desk and keep bathroom breaks to a minimum.
That evening, on my long walk back to the train station, my heart was in my shoes. I cried hard when I got home. This was not the job I had dreamed of. My hopes that it was going to get better were fast fading but there was still a chance and I needed the money. The next day, I dusted off my old bicycle, took it on the train with me, and rode to the office.
Turning Point
I worked hard at that job for about a month, getting more unhappy with each passing day. One afternoon, I got up and walked out of that office, before the official quitting time, determined never to return. Standing on the train next to my bike, I felt so relieved. A huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt proud of myself and free. I felt like I had sent a message to the universe that I’m not going to take that sh*t anymore!
The good mood I had from walking out of that unsuitable job passed quickly. I hadn’t been paid. I was out of pocket after paying for train fares and other expenses. I called and emailed many times to try to get my wages for the month I had worked but they told me that because I had not given notice, they did not have to pay. That was a lie but I didn’t know at the time so I let it go.
The truth was, I never felt worthy when it came to standing up for myself. It was easier to blame myself for getting sucked in and ripped off. I brushed it away by joking that, I should have been wary of a company director who chose a great white shark as his company logo. I went back to applying for jobs, feeling more dejected than before.
I cried a lot and cried out to the universe for help. In my heart of hearts I wanted to change. I was ready for change. I had been working towards change to the best of my ability. I knew I was adaptable and capable and hard-working. I just had very little clue how to make it happen. I couldn’t see a pathway out of where I was.
Magic Happens
A little while later, my boyfriend and I both went for an interview at the unemployment office to prove that we were looking for work. He had recently been fired from his job so we were both unemployed graduates. We were down to our last $20 to buy groceries. Rent was due. The old car was falling apart. I was feeling so downtrodden and depressed.
After our interviews, we went to the local library. I was waiting next to the counter for my boyfriend to check out some books. There was a small round table right next to me with nothing on it but a few brochures. I looked away for a moment then glanced down at the table again and, to my surprise, there was a book on it called “Mind Power” by John Kehoe. I have no idea how the book got there. I didn’t see anybody come near and I was sure the table had been empty just a moment ago.
Curious, I picked up the book and flipped through the pages. It felt like the Universe was leaving me a clue. I borrowed the book from the library and read it cover to cover that night.
Mind Power
What I read offered hope beyond hope and I had nothing to lose so I applied the techniques in the book. My boyfriend did the exercises also. We both came from backgrounds where there was negativity around money and poverty was manifest. I worked diligently on my attitude and thinking. I applied for jobs that I would have ruled myself out of before applying mind power.
Within two weeks we both had good jobs. Within two years, we bought our own apartment. We got a brand new car, the first new car we had ever owned. Then we got better paying jobs very close to home. I had my dream job. I got to travel and work overseas. I got to work with brilliant, creative people. I got to play with machines and helped develop exciting products. Then, we bought a house with a backyard in a beautiful leafy area, five minutes drive from the beach.
By changing my attitude and thinking, even in such a shallow way, I believe I was able to take different actions and see different opportunities that took my environment and circumstances in the direction I thought I wanted.
Later on, I stopped believing for a little while. I stopped believing in everything. What I thought I wanted didn’t actually make me happy. It turns out, I didn’t know what happy was. Finding inner happiness is a different adventure. It is my current adventure. I continue to believe that “With our thoughts, we make the world!”. I continue to practice the art of manifesting.
