How Duct Tape Can Help You Sleep Like a Baby
As Dads, we know that duct tape has roughly 1,053,842 uses. But did you know that it can help you sleep?
It’s true. Now ladies, before you start loading up on duct tape to put over your husband’s nose and mouth to stop his snoring, stick with me for a minute.
It’s not for your husband, it’s for your kids.
What? No, not to put over their mouths you lunatic. It’s to wrap around their stomachs while they sleep. Wait, that doesn’t sound much better.
Just keep reading ok?
One of the things you will learn or have painfully already learned about being a parent is that at a certain age your kids will decide that they no longer need to wear diapers. You will usually find this out one morning when you go to wake them up.
You tip toe down the hall, careful not to wake your little sleeping angel when you hear that he is already awake, playing gleefully with the beeping, buzzing, blinking giraffe that stupid aunt Sally gave him. It’s ok though because when you open that door you know you will be greeted with that endless smile, melting your heart and sending you into a tizzy of love for your little bundle of joy. You softly, quietly open the door. “Sounds like mommy’s little muffin wuffin is already awake! Who’s read for a big, fat snug…oh my dear lord!”
Yep. The sh!t hit the fan. And the carpet. And wall. Stuffed animals. Light switch. Doorknob…
What if there was a way to avoid that?
Luckily there is. Yep you got it, the aforementioned duct tape.
Now before all you Judgy McJudgertons get all up in arms and say “I would never put tape on my little Emma Gracey Wacey bug,” that wasn’t our first step either. We tried all the usual suspects:
Zippered jammies with the flap over the zipper? Hah. Child’s play
Backward zip-up jammies with the flap over the zipper? Is that all you got old man?
Duct taped diaper under the backward zip-up jammies with the flap over the zipper? That weak nonsense is no match for The Great Poodini!
So what were we to do? We had duct tape. We had a kid who was prone to sliding diaper-less around the floor like a cocker spaniel with a butt itch. So, duct taped jammies it was! And it was one of the best parenting decisions we ever made. In hindsight it probably wouldn’t have won us any “Parents of the Year” trophies but it sure as hell kept us from having to shampoo the carpet every morning.
So here’s the deal: as parents, we do stuff that we never thought we would or swore we would never do.
- You are going to give your kids an iPad instead of reading them a bedtime story because you are just exhausted.
- You are going to let them eat chicken nuggets 4 meals in a row because it’s the only edible thing in your house.
- You are going to let them go 3 days without brushing their teeth because it’s not worth the fight.
- And you might even duct tape their pajamas onto them so that that you can not start your day by cleaning poop off of your white carpet.
And you know what? It’s ok. Or maybe it’s not ok. I have no idea but just do what you think is right. As long as it doesn’t hurt your kids, at least not anymore than parenting in general does, then it’s probably ok. You parent the best way you know how, love your kids unconditionally, and they will probably grow up to be pretty ok people.
And for real, those of you with little poo factories on your hands, load up on duct tape and rest easy again. At least until they start climbing into your bed and puking you awake at 3:00 AM.
Originally published at dadletteroffice.com on July 24, 2018.
