Finally Deciding to Act

Journey with Isai #1

My dear son Isai,

I have been thinking of starting a blog series that ultimately includes the things I want to tell you and the journey we are currently going through. I had a very strong desire to write this and publish it along with my other blogs that I write from time to time.

I have been postponing it for various reasons. I wasn’t sure whether I should publish it on Medium, create a separate website, or write them in a diary and hand it over to you. I think I was making the whole thing too complicated.

In other words, I was paralysed by overanalysing!

Finally, today, I made the decision to keep the overthinking at bay and just act as if I am near my last days and do not have much time to waste. So here I am, sharing my raw thoughts in a useful way for myself as well as others, but most importantly, for YOU.

As of today, you are only 3.5 years old, and I am not sure if you will ever get to read these letters and understand the feelings, thoughts, and my desire behind writing this blog series, which is basically a letter, and read them with the same intensity with which I write.

I am also not sure if your mama or I will be there when you get to read this, or even yourself, because as I always tell you, even way before you can truly grasp the concept of life and death, “Life is short, and we live in our memories.”

I am trying my best to give you the foundation to live a life in which you understand yourself, but I don’t think you can do that without understanding me.

I am writing this letter with the intention of helping you understand ME so that you can understand YOURSELF, and by doing that, the WORLD around you.

My life truly changed since you came, and my life includes my wife, and that is your beloved Mama.

As your Dada and Mama, we have done a lot of things, we are doing a lot of things, and we are planning to do a lot more. You already gave us tremendous joy, and you made me love myself and the world around me way more than I thought I ever could!

before you came, I was at the beginning of a spiritual journey, trying to find myself, God, or whatever we call it, but I really felt like I lacked something, at least that’s how I felt.

When I look back from today, I feel like you were that missing puzzle piece that perhaps I was missing!

Why & How?

It’s a long story, and it is still being written. All I can tell you now is that it’s incredibly exciting!

Your Mama has over gigabytes of your photos and videos. We all watch them together, but those can only tell you a fraction or an abstract of the joy we are currently experiencing.

However, there is another side of the story, a story of a war between lots of emotions, feelings, and our collective desire to be more good and better than we are, and the conflict that brings due to the desire.

A lot to tell, my little man, but I am not sure if I can write these letters on a regular or daily basis, but I promise you that I will genuinely try.

I have never broken any promises that I made to you so far, and I wish to keep it that way.

Good night, Son.