BEING HAPPY WITH YOUR OWN SELF & WHY IT ISN’T SELFISH

2020 was a year of change, of growth, of realization, for all of us. The solitude of the lockdown surely knocked a lot of sense and consideration into us, the biggest one being the importance of enjoying with yourself, the importance of loneliness, and the joy that it brings with it. Naturally, not all of us know what this exactly means, or is trying to tell us.

Neither did I. But, if loneliness makes you feel sad, it's time you start to turn it around and enjoy it, as it tells you that you need to make happiness on your own. Burst the myth of self-love being termed as selfishness. Life is too short to be lived in a bubble. Read new books, meet new friends, take more photos, make the best out of it.

What does one mean by enjoying their own company? It means to be happy with who you are, to be at peace with what you do regardless of who you have around you. To enjoy the little and big things alone without feeling the need to share the excitement. When you do be satisfied with you and only you, you will stop seeking validation.

Why do people not know much about this or why do they don’t know what alone time means? Because we are so caught up in the outside world, with other people, with the fast pace of the world moving ahead, and how it seems that everyone is always too busy. People have forgotten what alone time meant because they never got it, they never seek it. We are so surrounded by others, in the physical as well as the virtual world, thanks to technological evolutions. Everything comes with a price to pay, but why pay self-love as the price in a world which has forgotten how important it is?

So many people fail to understand what enjoying with yourself does to one, so let me tell you. In a nutshell, it brings you happiness that you don’t seek from others. It brings you the care that you give to yourself. It gives you a best friend that won’t ever break up with you. Enough of romanticizing because you can’t romanticize something and procrastinate the process. In simple words, this is one of the paths that will lead you to self-love, which let me tell you, is far more necessary than you think it is.

Let’s take a walk down this path, shall we?

Have you ever paid attention to what truly makes you happy? Because what truly brings you joy, is what makes you, YOU. One of the key steps, and the primary one, when trying to learn to enjoy your own company, is finding out what you love. It could be anything, big or small, huge or minimal. Could be singing songs, baking a cake, watering plants, movie nights, reading books, going on a ride. You name it. Find your bliss buzz. And don’t worry if you don’t know how to “find your happiness”.

You can just start by trying new things, trying things you used to do as a child, as a teen, as an adult. Try remembering moments where you just collected them and took away memories. Think about doing something and see if it makes you ecstatic. Sing songs in the shower for an hour. Go on walks and watch the sunset. Make new friends, meet new people, listen to their stories. Wear good clothes, take a lot of photos, makeover your room, play your guitar, do gardening, do whatever it takes to make you happy. I cannot stress this enough but do it. Learn new things, read about the universe if it interests you, listen to podcasts of people that you like hearing talk.

Once you find what brings you happiness, don’t let it go. We are often told to not let go of people that love us, but why do we tend to let go of things that we love simply because they make us happy? MAKE TIME for things that make you happy. You can’t excuse it by saying “oh no but I have the thesis due by tomorrow so I can’t waste my time”, because you’re basically telling yourself that the thesis is more important than you are. Now I know that deadlines, work, etc. are important, I’m not saying quit your job and sit in your backyard blowing bubbles, no.

Balance it. We are always so ready to help our hurting friends, so ready to bring them their favorite cake just to see them smile. Do that for yourself someday, and see how it changes the view. Every day, consistently, make time for what makes you happy, and don’t let anyone or anything take it away. It will make you feel wholesome.

And let’s say, you did all of this but still aren’t happy enough. Find the reason and tackle it, break it down. Don’t ever seek validation from people. Don’t think what someone else would think or if someone else would like it. Your happiness is limited to you and only you are responsible for it. Don’t take criticism from someone you’d not take advice from. And don’t let anyone take your happiness away from you, no one is above that.

Also, not to miss the myth about self-love or taking time for only yourself. Why is it termed as being selfish? Why is seeking happiness for yourself, putting yourself first considered negative? Let me break these barriers and tell you, that it is completely normal and more than okay to put your happiness above others. It's not called being selfish, it is called being self-loved. We are blinded by these norms continuously telling us that you cannot prioritize ourselves over work.

But no, it is very important to incorporate things that bring you joy into your everyday routines. Try it and see the change. Be your own best friend. But don’t be upset when you don’t see it all changing in one day, because also keep in mind that good thing takes time, and this a journey, not a destination. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not worth it, because you are.