Being male in the modern era
Sugar and spice or nothing nice?
“Bro my girlfriend dumped me. I started lifting to forget about her.” said no ‘Gym-bro’ ever.
Men face several moral dilemmas in their daily lives revolving around their responses to various social interactions (or their lack of response). Nearly all of these choices bear consequences, none rendering them scathe free from online communities that seem to have declared themselves judiciary for all public dialogue. Misconstrued statements or inappropriate lingo and insensitivity can snowball rapidly into severe backlash, depending on how famous the person or the accuser is. A lot of it can be attributed to confusing and often conflicting behaviour boys witness around them growing up. While equality of opportunity has explicitly been laid down in most countries, patriarchal societies with rigid beliefs tend to think otherwise, attributing increased women’s rights to several socio-economic issues including plummeting employment, climbing divorce rates, and overall matrimonial disharmony. All social perceptions one would form are from their households and neighbourhoods and by the media in general, which is what they are surrounded by, and not from classrooms. In a country where feminism is still a non-mainstream topic and where women still have a long way to go to attain equality per se, convenient movie portrayals suggesting that certain behaviour garners female attention fail to address the issue whilst minting box office returns and garnering extensive tabloid coverage. This disparity has tipped the power factor and the bulk of the voices, further earning the wrath of the Venuses.
“Locker room talk” by other men considered grown-ups is seldom politically correct with misogynist remarks and statements flying one after the other and is picked on as being the ideology to follow and propagate by the others. Public statements on similar lines by political leaders and other honchos too do not help in any way towards constructive dialogue. Simple backhanded sentences casually dismissing the other gender’s considerations go a long way in enforcing the unseen yet ever-present patriarchy everywhere.
Men have and will continue to harbour the expectations of being the tougher sex, partly due to their biological makeup, but mostly due to cultural beliefs. Near gladiatoresque indomitable will, and resilience is almost universally expected of them in nearly all civilizations. Spare the Amazonians though. The inner struggles and negative thoughts they harbour right through their formative years to being taken as aggressors in their work and/ or social circles by default is appalling. The fact that they are most susceptible to being accused and convicted of misbehaviour charges and are labelled as predators without being given a voice is the most worrying factor in a time when outrage can pour over any and every statement and the prevalent cancel-culture that has ruined many a life due to overwhelming public shaming, loss of employment and loved ones cutting off ties fearing a backlash.
Despite statistical data about crimes that would suggest otherwise, men do however seem to have the bad end of the rope in many settings as several social prejudices, misconceptions, and misandry prevail. The world seems to have not yet realized how the perceived fairer sex seems to have it all wrong against the other.
Amplification of personal ordeals has only harmed the collective, as in nearly every case of he-said-she-said you would encounter, a universal outrage against the male is the norm. The fact that cases of assault and indecent behaviour against men never seem to decrease has done their credibility no good, with tougher laws and media trials meaning there is a greater push for men to be thrown under the bus with or without due legal proceedings. The number of fake accusations and lawsuits against men with zero legal repercussions has left the door open for women with vendettas- personal and professional alike. Numerous Reddit and Quora answers and other confessionals will bear testimonies of how someone was robbed of all of their dignity by being embroiled in a fake case.
Male bashing has remained a part or rather the most outspoken faction of the feminism brigade — outspoken about how all males are potential criminals and crying out loud against anything opposing their views. Such rhetoric has only shot themselves in the feet as the bandwagon gives rise to bands of anti-feminists, their bête-noire, seeking to disparage the concept of equality. Scholars like Jordan Peterson and media celebrities like Ben Shapiro will go around in circles making remarks promoting inclusion but banishing the idea of equality with provocative statements that spur further altercations.
Rampant alcoholism and drug abuse continue to plague many male-dominant or only-male kliqs, even among higher strata with high incomes where money only becomes a precursor to other lifestyle issues. Alcoholism related health woes and deaths have had skyrocketing numbers in men as compared to women ever since being first documented. The issue compounds in families with crippling finances. In such families, men are forced to look after not only their immediate ones but also their extended family members, particularly in countries like India where shunning your family is considered taboo and the brothers having to look after the sisters’ marriages and the elderly parents is considered the norm.
Undiagnosed mental illnesses continue to cause issues and rifts within families and workspaces alike, where traumatized men take out unattended emotional duress on others. Historically, society has had no value for men with struggling mental health. The whole idiom of throwing someone to the wolves could perhaps be traced to how adolescent males in Sparta were left to fend for themselves in the wilderness. Those seen as being weak have been labelled names and continue to be ostracized from healthier crowds and subsequently failed by their own people. The issue is terror-inducing on those who identify as non-binary and for the same reasons choose to be childless. Virtually every social conversation tends to gravitate in that direction. Taunts of not being man-enough that arise from the changing rooms in school go a full circle to haunt those who remain unmarried or childless.
While celebs who come out or are involved in disputes seem to have it easier due to legions of stan-fans, they too receive severe backlash and trolling. This does hit their endorsements and their employability. Take Will Smith for example, whose “meme face” was made popular from a very public interview while discussing intimate matters with his wife.
Despite many being acquitted of charges, the duress they are put through, the media scrutiny and the overall change in public perception about them leave long-lasting issues, notwithstanding their loss of employment and the time and money spent on legal proceedings. Tom Felton, Josh Reynolds, John Jarratt- the list goes own where famous men were falsely accused of misdemeanour and dragged to legal proceedings for vested interests.
The advent of bro-science where ‘intellectuals’ speak to their peers about men’s issues on content streaming sites and make acrimonious statements and claims incriminate those even willing to admit that they might need some form of redressal. Most pump-up motivational talk and advice from close friends during unfavourable times are borderline if not full-on reprimanding and devoid of sympathy. Athletes having their adrenaline jump with pep talks can have advantageous outcomes but for cubicle people or students or just anyone else, antagonistic hand-me-downs defeat the very purpose of seeking out help. The fact that successful and/ or famous men (one does not necessitate the other particularly in the 21st century) attribute to moments of inner life-changing behaviour is clearly unfavourable to dealing with psychological issues that are seldom resolved with a snap. Toxic online spaces advocating uber-masculinity, recommending others to follow their ideologies to become ‘real men’ emasculate free thinking.
Mental health is turning out to be an unshrouded talking point that has taken many by the head in the past few years especially in this one. Once being the niche of a few elite struggling with fame, professionals with 80-hour workweeks, druggies, and failures, it is now a well-documented facet among all age groups. The fact that a lot of counselling services and consultations with experts have been halted have compounded the woes of people buckling under the uncertain and stressful times we are facing. Lack of recreational activities, socializing, and suspended services have affected those not directly reeling under the effects of the pandemic. The heightened feelings of fear, anxiety, hopelessness, and social isolation have hit everyone differently. The symptoms manifest in men and women in different ways. Unlike women’s diagnosis where visible signs, poor eye contact, and lack of conversing can be picked on, having men attend any session in itself is a very big deal and they often are dismissed as just having a bad day as they tend to conceal issues and are seldom willing to speak about such issues even to their closest people. Anger and aggressiveness are almost perceived as being sacrosanct with testosterone. They get away with a whole list of behaviours on the red-flag spectrum while that is far from the case made out for women.
Men’s mental health is a secret crisis and those crusading for awareness are dismissed as having “first world worries”. Skewed suicide rates and drug abuse numbers however do not lie and show glaring disparities. Despite being much fewer in number at counselling sessions or seeking professional help, men’s suicide rates are almost twice that of women and the number of men who are more likely to lie to their kith and kin about the hardships they face is higher than ever. Failure to address men’s mental distress continues to be one of the lingering gender issues and laws in the world which is witnessing a continued push for the inclusion of non-binary genders.
Surprise-surprise majority!
