Choosing Yourself
“In case of an emergency, oxygen masks, which are stored in the compartment overhead will drop down. Please make sure you secure your mask before helping others.”
The opposite of Altruism, isn’t it?
What is Altruism, you ask. Google defines it, in simple terms, as the act of choosing and helping others at the expense of yourself. The question, however, remains. Is altruism healthy?
In a world with a population that exponentiates constantly, we are always surrounded by people, physically and virtually. A touch on a device connects us to people a thousand miles away. And while we could marvel at the sheer advancement of our species, it is imperative that we remember that technology is a double-edged sword.
We talk about self-care and wellness and yet we constantly subject ourselves to what the world thinks of us. Our image in front of people, what they think about us and what they say about us, stresses us out so much that we refuse to be our raw selves anymore. “Not everyone cares about social pressure…” or the thought that “I don’t care what people think of me, I am who I am…” are healthy and promote a change, but do you follow what you preach?
Our mere act of editing pictures before posting them, proves that the pressure of looking “good” in front of the world is very real today. This is just one of the examples of the hundred different, small yet significant things we do daily in our life. Is it inevitable? Will we always be shackled in the chains of societal expectations?
The answer is simple. It’s our choice. There exists a perceived image of us, and it is up to us to do what we see fit. And every time we choose to live up to it or reject it, it must be with the utmost love for ourselves in our hearts. And that is self love.
Self love is the act of choosing yourself over and over again. It is to choose your health, your happiness above anything else in the entire world. The world’s riches, luxuries won’t matter if you are not content with yourself first.
A common misconception associated with the act of self love is selfishness. If I have to explain it to you, self-love and selfishness are almost polar opposites of each other. While self love is the act of choosing yourself, selfishness is the act of choosing yourself at the expense of others. Self love takes care of oneself with minimal harm to others around you.
Why is self-love important? Why practice it in the first place?
All of us have been in relationships that have changed our perspective towards people, relationships and life in general. Be it a toxic friendship, an unappreciative significant other, or an unsatisfied parent, we have been there. All these things, they have but one feeling in common.
“Why wasn’t I enough? Could I have done something differently? Was there any way to have a different outcome?”[1]
The feeling of ‘not being enough’ is something that brings out your most deep-rooted fears and makes you feel unworthy. Unworthy of love, care and attention. The insecurity of never being able to live up to their expectation is corrosive and festers to do the most damage to yourself. It ties us in an ever-increasing pressure of ‘trying harder’ just to ‘be’ enough for them, turning the most simple relationships into toxic ones. You need to understand, that nothing will ever be good enough. And the focus, need no longer be on them. Right now, the focus is all on you.
So how do we practice Self Love?
The only way out of this vicious cycle is to realize your own worth. Self love actively encourages you to accept yourself for who you are and where you come from.
As you become more acquainted with your real self it becomes easier for you to choose it each time and mindfully take yourself out of situations that you know will bring you harm.
The best way to do this is to go back to your roots and do the things that you actually love. Simple things can bring more pleasure than they seem to. Listening to a playlist that you have made exclusively for yourself, playing board games with people that you don’t need to keep pretences around, watching your favourite movie for the 103rd time to cherish that one scene in it, anything that gives you small bits of happiness is a form of self love.
But how do you incorporate self-love into the way you live every day?
Self love isn’t a one-time thing. It is something you practice every day and try to get better at. Trying to look at every situation positively is the most basic form of self-love. Having a hope of everything turning out great helps you taking your mind off high anxiety scenarios that it may create!
Celebrating all your wins, no matter how small, everything you do for yourself, for your happiness is self-love.
Dance in the rain. Or maybe don’t and simply wait it out against the cold window in your favourite sweater with a book and a mug of hot chocolate next to you. Learn to not care so much. Every perception, every expectation created in this world, for you and for itself, is purely a social construct. At the end of the day, it’s not real. You are. Cherish yourself.
You are strong. You are brave. You need to love yourself the most and remind yourself that if you’re not enough for yourself, you will never be for anyone else. You need to realize that no person, no work, no task is more important than your mental health and none of it should lead you to compromise on your love for yourself.
You. Are. Enough. For. Yourself.
Self love isn’t always fun. Your heart will break some days, your mind will another. You will lose relationships, friendships. Sometimes, you may have to choose between yourself and something you thought you couldn’t ever part with.
But hey, you’ve heard this one before: “The tough choice isn’t the only choice you have! Sometimes, taking the easier way out is a better choice!”
So, the next time you are confronted with an intrusive thought, choose yourself. Choose to love yourself. It doesn’t have to be a huge act of proclamation. Simple and easy paths can lead to beautiful destinations too and yours will too.
~Khushi Dave
