Cultivating Sympathetic Joy in Your Life
Being Jealous of Another’s Success
“I don’t feel very much like Pooh today,” said Pooh.
“There, there,” said Piglet.
“I’ll bring you tea and honey until you do.” ~ A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)
We live in a society that focuses on winners and losers. The concept of winners and losers is enforced when we watch competitive sports and cheer for our side to win.
Sometimes when we hear of another’s success, it feels like it underscores our lack of progress. We can feel envious and even jealous.
It is hard not to feel envy if we are afraid there is a finite pot of success to go around, and if someone else achieves success, it is leaving a bit less in the pot for us.
Have you ever had feelings of envy?
Sometimes when I read stories of other people’s success whether it be in writing or art or another area, I feel a pang of envy hit me in the chest. I am happy for them, but I feel a vast wellspring of desire wishing that it was also me experiencing this.
I do not like that this happens. But, if I am to accept all my feelings and be genuine, yes, it happens more than I would care to admit.
There is striking scientific evidence to show that a form of meditation called ‘sympathetic joy’ helps cultivate a greater warmth and tenderness towards strangers, similar to the warmth a parent may feel inside watching their child play or accomplish something.
It is a form of meditation designed for cultivating the opposite of envy or jealousy. It is about instilling a higher capacity to feel happy for other people.
By cultivating the ability to see the happiness of others not as a criticism, you start to look at their joy as a source of pleasure for yourself.
Sympathetic joy meditation is about cultivating an intention to view the world and other people differently.
This form of meditation is about finding a way back to reconnection.
Jealousy does not have to be part of who you are. It is malleable.
You can change the way you see and think about others, and view their success as a force for you to feel a greater connection, and greater joy.
Instead of feeling ‘less than’ when hearing of others success, you increase your compassion and your sense of happiness at the same time as being thrilled for them.
Sympathetic Joy Meditation (Approx 15 Minutes)
- Close your eyes. Imagine something delicious happening to you. Imagine what would be happening when that success you longed for occurred. Feel the joy of it and let that feeling fill you. (4 mins)
- Now, picture someone you love and something perfect happening to them. Allow the pleasure of knowing they are happy and prosperous because of what has happened also flow through you. (4 mins)
- Now picture in your mind a neutral person, a stranger, somebody you might regularly see during your day. Maybe it is someone on the bus, or train or someone at your school. Imagine something really lovely happening for them. See how happy it is making them, and imagine how good they are feeling. (4 mins)
- Now, picture someone you dislike or someone you already envy. Imagine something beautiful happening to them, and see how happy it makes them. Try and FEEL joy for them. Real pleasure. Repeat the words in your head if you can’t feel it at first. “I feel joy for you. I am happy for you.” Keep trying. (4 mins)
- Even if you hate the person and their success, say “I feel joy for you, I feel happy for you.”
Repeat this series of steps in your head every day for 15 minutes. Keep it up.
It DOES work.
In the book Lost Connections, by Sunday Times bestselling author Johann Hari quotes a friend who had found benefits from this form of meditation in her own life, “There’s always going to be shit coming into your life to be unhappy about. If you can be happy for others, there’s always going to be a supply of happiness available to you…”
“It’s as though the loving-kindness meditation works a muscle that helps us resist and counteract the worst of our culture. It’s not so much what happens in those fifteen minutes-Rachel has come to feel that “you’re planting seeds during the meditation, [and] it flowers spontaneously during your day, and your life.”
So, I aim to keep practicing. Keep meditating for fifteen minutes a day.
I aim to build up more resilience within me and increase my ability to connect joyfully and consciously with others.
I want to build up my ability to feel pure joy when others succeed and to realize the success of others is not a poor reflection on me. Instead, I can feel more joy and happiness in my own life by training myself to feel increased joy towards them.
It can only be a win-win.
Watch this heart space.
