#29. Days like this

There are 2 halves of me, fighting for control. One side is what I am now, the other is what I will become.

It’s days like this that really tests my capacity. I woke up early and worked. In the afternoon, I went out with my family. Now that it’s night and I’m back home, I have to keep working. Now would be a great time to just quit and go to sleep.

Long story short, I’m not going to. I’m not a quitter. I want to get better, I want to keep my streak going, I want to build up my work ethic. I don’t want those things more than I want to sleep right now. That’s okay. I know I should want it more and I will want it more in the long run. So, I have to go against my instincts on this one.

My instincts would tell me to just go to bed and let everything play out how it would play out. I can’t do that right now. I have to make a sacrifice. I have to sacrifice what I am now for what I will become. That sacrifice will not be easy to make, but I have to make it. It’s for my own good.

I have to treat myself like an addict. I have to treat myself like my addiction is laziness. Before I make decisions, I have to check with myself to make sure I’m not falling back into my addiction. Going back to being lazy will not help me achieve my goals. It will derail me further.

Who knows? One day of hard work can keep me from years of struggle. So I have to make the sacrifice. I don’t want to struggle later. I would prefer to struggle now. I would prefer to struggle when I don’t have bills to pay. I would prefer to struggle now, so when I am responsible for my own well being, I won’t have to struggle as much.

I have to work hard now. Whatever opportunity I have now, it might not be here later. Everything doesn’t circle back around. You don’t always get a second chance. Because of this, I have to make sure that I don’t need a second chance.

Sure, I’ll make mistakes, I’ll mess up. But I’ll never stop trying. That has to count for something. If I don’t try, there’s nothing I can do. But if I try, there’s always a chance to succeed. And if I fail, I can learn from it and remount my attack. If I try and I fail, I’ll know what not to do. That way, I’ll be that much closer to my goal. When a plan fails, I’ll have to rethink it. There’s one thing I will know when that time comes, however. I’ll know what not to do. That is a powerful thing. THAT will take me farther than I can even imagine.


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