#31. What do you want to be when you grow up?

I hate small talk. It’s boring, awkward, and doesn’t get anywhere. To me, it’s like bad frosting on an even worse cake. It’s just making a painful situation even more painful.

Since I’m a teenager, adults tend to ask me what I want to be when I grow up? It’s really annoying, because it puts me into an awkward situation. Do I pretend that I got it all figured out? Do I dodge the question with a simple “ I don’t know”? Do I get into a seemingly never-ending conversation in which I explain all of the things that I’m considering.? I don’t know, and that’s part of the problem.

I used to give adults this long drawn out plan as to what I wanted to do. I would tell them all these things about all the things that I wanted to do, mainly centered around business.

Back then, I thought I knew a little bit about what life really means. Then I realized I knew nothing. I realized that when I broadened my horizons. I got into watching different TV shows and movies, started writing, started archery, learned more about business, etc.

As you would expect, this changed my answer. So, any time an adult would ask me that question, I would answer, but feel disingenuous. Instead of just telling them I don’t know, I just told them about something I used to want to do. Why did I do it? I did it because I didn’t want to have to explain anything.

Because I write frequently, I’ve gotten better at articulating my thoughts clearly. However, I don’t like pouring out all of my thoughts onto people like that. Trust me, it would be weird if I did. I don’t want to tell them what I want to do. Sure, I have a general idea of what I want to do when I get older, but I’m still not sure.

I’m not one of those kids. I’m not excited about the job in neuropsychology or some other hard to pronounce field of study. I have many interests. That’s part of the reason I’m doing what I’m doing now. I need to know how I feel about my interests, so that they’re not just interests.

There’s your answer. You want to know what I want to be when I grow up. That really sucks, because the world may never know. I don’t even know. You’ll just have to be along for the ride when it happens.

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