You like poetry, right?
I’ll swap you some doggerel verse
For whatever spare change you keep in your purse
It’ll help you sleep at night.

It’ll help my landlord collect the rent
I might even get back the money I’ve spent
On Gilbert and Sullivan, popcorn and wine
(I needed the latter to get through the line
Where Gilbert rhymes lilly with “die”
It’s so very silly, but I
Didn’t get it. The joke was on me.
I’d been drinking a lot by that point, you see.)

It’s a parody, hence all the fuss —
He’s making fun of people like us
And mocking our clumsy rhymes
Which we only get right about half of the time … s.

But all that’s to say in a roundabout way
The suffering audience still has to pay
If it’s Gilbert or Beckett, I really don’t care
As long as it covers my taxi fare.

So cough up now, won’t you dear,
Or buy me another beer.

You must all now buy a sticker. Didn’t see that coming, did you? But seriously, do. You get a thing that comes to your actual house and clings to you and stuff, because I won’t.


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