Loving Advice
This is an article about how you react to loving decisions and advice.
How would you fill in the blanks when you read the following prompt:
“I didn’t take the advice I was given, and ____ instead (and I ____that I did).”
On August 6th, I posed this question on Daily Haloha, a mobile app founded by Amy Giddon that sends a thought provoking daily prompt to the world and displays the responses anonymously.
I chose that prompt because I had been going through a tough point in my life, where every decision felt hard and taking advice was even harder. I had a particularly difficult decision where I had to choose between what I wanted and what the people around me were advising me to do. That caused a struggle within me. It was then that I began to notice that it wasn’t just big decisions that felt overwhelming, but even small decisions about whether to walk on the left or right side of the street were difficult. I was suffocating, having trouble breathing, in the feeling that every minute I was either making a decision or hearing advice about making a decision. My friends and family offered their “loving advice”, but taking any advice was near impossible as I drowned in my own anxiety. This was a startling change, because previously I had felt okay making decisions and taking advice.
It was around that time that I discovered the Haloha app. Honestly, I have no idea how the app made its way onto my phone, but when I opened it, magic happened. I thoroughly enjoyed the prompts and the digital community that the app created. I decided to reach out to Amy to share my gratitude. I told her I found her app magical and we laughed about the divine miracle that installed Daily Haloha on my phone. I shared with her my story, and she offered me the chance to write a fill-in-the-blank prompt for her app. I’d never done anything like this before, but it seemed like a synchronistic opportunity so I said “yes”. Feeling like I’m not alone tends to help me in making decisions, so I helped create a prompt to see how others reacted to not taking advice.
The prompt was “I didn’t take the advice I was given, and ____ instead (and I ____that I did).” I didn’t know how people were going to respond, but an interesting trend jumped out at me. Around two-thirds of respondents said they were happy when they didn’t take the advice they were given. The rest said they regretted not taking advice. It seemed scary to me that there was such a big gap between the extremes of great and regret. Perhaps it’s the way the prompt was formatted, but it popped out at me that there’s no middle.
And that’s where I had an aha moment. I knew exactly why my life began feeling like hell. I found myself in a loop. In order to avoid regret, I was putting off making decisions. So people in my life stepped in to offer their advice, which then caused more fear to come up. Although the majority of people in the survey had a positive experience in not taking others’ advice, in my life I was scared that I might be in the minority who would regret it. So, I wondered what I could do to feel safe and secure in my decisions. I knew I couldn’t continue to run away from fear and regret and hope it will lead to a positive outcome, because that hasn’t really worked.
I realized that the only way to sit in that discomfort is to meditate upon love. Love has tended to make me feel at peace. I thought what if I found love in the feeling great and (dun dun dun) feeling regret? I began thinking things like “I love not taking advice”, “I love taking advice” and “I love this decision”. I found myself being able to breathe better with what used to bring pain and suffocation. Now, whatever decisions I choose to make, I can feel at peace doing them.
I love sharing what has helped me because maybe it can help others. My loving advice to you all is to start loving advice. I encourage anybody struggling with making decisions or taking advice, to undertake the process with love. Whatever decisions you choose to make, whatever advice you do or don’t take, you will be okay. This has helped me tremendously and I would love to hear how you feel about loving decisions and advice too.
If you’re curious about decisions and advice, here are some responses shared in the Daily Haloha app: I didn’t take the advice I was given, and had a third kid instead (and I am overjoyed that I did). I didn’t take the advice I was given, and did not take the time to foster a relationship with a leader at work instead (and I regret that I did).
I didn’t take the advice I was given, and I did what I wanted instead (and I sometimes have regretted that, but other times I’ve been so grateful that I did). I didn’t take the advice I was given, and married waaaay too young and had to get a divorce and annulment instead (and I am sorry for my family and the other person that I did). I didn’t take the advice I was given, and went to that open mic instead (and I am really happy that I did).
Share this article with others as a message of love.
