Life is a Trust Fall
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” It’s kind of scary how often I have this thought. Sure, it looks like I have it all together but mostly I’m just winging it. Anyone else relate?
When I was a teen, I thought I’d know what was up by my twenties. I thought I’d be adulting like a pro. Afterall, I was always independent. Not so much. Looking back, idiot is the word that comes to mind during those years — partying, no direction, too many boyfriends (who didn’t care about or really know me). Hell, I didn’t care for or know myself — how could they?
I finally graduated college at 26. I thought life would go smoothly after that. Ummmm no. Many years of uncertainty ahead.
Year 30 was pivotal. I decided to move across the country with a close friend — from Ohio to California. The breakup of a five year relationship, no real direction, no reason to stay. Why not?
I quit my part-time job, moved out of my apartment and in with a friend during the month we were finalizing plans.
But fate spoke differently.
It was the end of 1999. Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. A masectomy and six months of chemo came next. Two weeks later, my best friend was killed in a car accident. That boyfriend and I reconciled, and within the month I was pregnant. Obviously I didn’t move across the country.
Maddie is now almost 17 — and an amazing young lady. She gets good grades, excels in sports, has many friends, lots of common sense, and more direction in her life than I ever had. She also knows herself well. She’s firm in who she is without apology. I guess I’ve done alright by her.
Looking back, I’m not sure how it unfolded so beautifully. I was conscious and intentional in the lessons I taught her, but the day-to-day is a blurr.
We can’t consciously know all we do in life. We may intentionally create our days, but some of it — a lot of it — is left to chance.
“All of life is a trust fall, and I’m awakening to the thrill, rather than the fear, of being suspended midair.” *
I’m finding that we have to trust that …
It will all be okay.
We are (all) doing our best.
We can’t know everything but …
We do know enough.
All we need is already within us.
We are exactly where we need to be.
Keep living your best life. Keep doing you. And keep trusting that life is unfolding exactly as it should — because it is.
QUOTE * Leigh Ann Henion: Phenomenal: A Hesitant Adventurer’s Search for Wonder in the Natural World
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