You Can Be Anything You Want to Be. Yes, Even (Especially) in Your Forties

The voices in your head, in large part, determine your reality. It’s another way of saying ‘thoughts become things.’ But a lot of those voices come from places of the past; from well-meaning parents and caretakers who are/were not communicating (or living) from a conscious place. They come from cultural conditioning. They come from people who are not happy with their own lives and cannot find a way out of the depair. Many of them don’t even know what they’re doing or that they’re even doing it. And they pass beliefs, words and actions out like candy. The lies become poison in the body.

While I’ve been relatively successful in my life and career, I’ve spent a lot of time rewiring my brain and retelling my stories in a positive way. It’s as though my whole life has been a teeter-totter ride with positive on one side and negative on the other. I’ve ridden the highs and lows, but mostly I’ve stayed in the middle. That spot, balancing in the middle, feels ordinary. I don’t want ordinary. The positive voice tells me I’m more, that I can make a difference in the world. But fear says I’m too much, or not enough, or “who the hell do you think you are?”

So I stay along the middle way. I remain ordinary. Sometimes it’s okay. There is groundedness in the ordinary. But I want my life to be more. I want exceptionality. I want to be a bright light. I want to be remembered, but in a quiet way. It’s why I write. Words matter. They shape the world.

I am undoing the longstanding voices in my head. Many are not-so-nice voices that have told me I’m not good enough the way I am, that I am flawed in some way. There is constant not-enoughness flowing between my ears.

I recently told one of my friends, “I am so sick of myself.” What a strange thought, as though there are two of me — myself and the other “watching me.”

I am angered by the negativity of others — whether it’s toward the self or others. It’s not helpful; it serves no purpose. Why do I drown in it in my own life?

I see the best in people. I love watching other people succeed. I am in awe of people who own who they are and make the most of their lives. I feel high in the energy.

My daughter is a junior in high school, excelling in nearly everything she puts her mind to, and I’ve always told her …

“You can be and do anything you want in life. The only person who can stop you is you.”

It is truth. Our thoughts make our reality. If we think we can, we do. If we think we can’t, we don’t.

The trouble is that these voices get so ingrained in us that we live them out.

Sometimes we don’t believe the voices at all. That has been my experience. I don’t believe it when the voices in my head tell me I’m less than. Yet somehow it lives through me. The end product of my daily actions mirror the sentiment. I shrink.

Deep inner work can bring about transformation. But the daily doing of the work is hard. Many give up. I refuse to be a statistic. My life is about being the best version of me that I can be and if that means going through the mud to get there, I’m willing to get dirty.

Mama never told me life would be easy. In fact “life isn’t fair” is one of the main phrases I heard throughout childhood. And that statement was always internalized as …

Life sucks. Life is hard. Life will never give you what you want.

But what if we choose to look at the statement from a positive perspective?

Life isn’t fair.
Sometimes people do nothing and receive big reward.
Sometimes tragedy happens but it turns out to be the best thing.
Sometimes everything falls apart but we still persevere.

The benefit of age is seeing life more clearly. My daughter believes she can be anything she wants, and she’s living her best life. If I can raise a child to believe it, perhaps I should try believing it too. Yes, even in my forties. I have a lot of life ahead of me.


Thanks for reading! Connect with me online at heathersagechurch.me. Want to learn more about yoga philosophy, I’m offering a free e-book, Prelude to Yoga Prayers, the first 25 pages of a book I’m currently writing about the 8 limbs of yoga.